Crazy hippy Lady Leisa

When you become more interested in your health and nutrition it's interesting, or should I say frustrating, the amount of conflicting or different advice you find. Eat/drink soy/soy is bad, olive oil is great/olive oil is only great when it's cold, heating makes it carcinogenic, honey is good/honey is bad, juicing is great/blending is greater. It's enough to make your head spin! I'm reading a lot but I think I need to start wheat and chaffing the information - find what I know works for me and agrees with my philosophies and go from there. So far, I feel healthy and energised. I'd be interested to know what my iron levels are doing but I feel okay. Lots of leafy greens, nuts and lentils are helping I think.
Im keen to start my own veggie patch but really get serious about it rather than my usual "stick stuff in the ground and see what happens" method. I'm interested in doing a Gardening/Permaculture course over at CERES called "Gardening for all Abilities". As it suggests it also caters for people with disabilities, so I think my stature may be catered for. I'm going to give them a call and find out more about it. I'd love to be able to grow our own food and know that we're eating good, nutritious, organic produce. Chances are, Seamus will also eat everything before we get a chance to! (Yes, we have spoiled, undisciplined dogs.)

Work is shitting me. Nothing major. its just a job i do that pays me money and gets the bills paid. Put it this way, there's nothing exciting about making sure the stationery cupboard is stocked, that there are supplies in the kitchen, doing the mail, booking interpreters, coordinating room bookings for meetings and answering the phone. I'd love to be doing something outdoors; something that requires moving and using some oomph and helps people. Disability rights is really wearing thin. When Stella worked for AAV she told me that she "got sick of it being all about disability", which is kind of funny because she's now one of the biggest voices in Melbourne when it comes to disability rights. Go figure.

I guess I'm an old soul at heart, wishing for days where families looked after themselves, tilling the earth, making things with their hands, living in community. I know such things soothe my soul and bring about a sense of contentedness for me. Nothing pleases me more than making things for my family and others, nurturing them and myself with simple things. I get tired of the "have to" life.

Sometimes I have this crazy desire just to opt out and see what happens. What happens if we just take off in the car with a tent and just drive till we're tired? What happens if I just plant a garden with seasonal veggies and fruit and care for it well? What happens if we just become content with what we have and not buy new stuff, but rather look to op shops and co-ops for our needs? What happens if we turn off the TV and the Internet and return to books and games and writing and storytelling and knitting and sewing and handcrafting? What happens if I stop colouring and cutting my hair? (actually, I'm experimenting with that one now!) I'm tired of the so called "have to's". Life wasn't meant to be filled with have to's was it?

I can see it now. Crazy hippy lady Leisa squatting in some shack up in Nimbin with her undisciplined dogs and free ranging chooks with half a dozen naked grandchildren running about the place.

Wordless Wednesday

My youngest, Georgia,aged 16 years, 11 months

The Happiness Project

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kikkiK emailed me a $10 voucher for my birthday earlier this month. I love kikkiK, although I don't shop there often. I do love to browse through and look at all the beautiful stationery. I looked at the email on Monday and realised that I only had until the end of this month to redeem the voucher, so I printed it out and went down to my local store as I walked home from work.

It didn't take me long to spot this gorgeous little book sitting on the shelf. I didn't even have to read the blurb, I just had to have it! The title alone spoke to me. I quickly picked it up, redeemed my voucher, paid the balance of $14.95 and it was mine. I can't wait to read it. I'm reading Game of Thrones at the moment  but as soon as that's finished this little book and I have a date!

The Happiness Project chronicles Gretchen Rubin's year long test driving of theories and studies about how people can be happier. I realised when I saw the book that I have been participating in my own Happiness Project for the past year. It's all been unconscious, but I have done a lot of reflecting of late as to why I am happy and how I came to this place of contentedness. 

Here's what I have discovered:

* Smiling!  How simple is that? It's simple but it's powerful. Smiling is relaxing. It takes fewer muscles to smile than it does to frown. Did you know that? Come on! Everyone knows that! I find that if I smile my mood really does lift. And guess what? I see more people smiling back at me when I'm smiling for no reason except that it feels good. It's contagious! Like the saying goes, if you see someone without a smile give them one of yours! Seriously though, never underestimate the power of smiling. 

* Stop the negative self-talk. Honestly, if I talked to my friends the way I used to talk to myself NO ONE would want to be my friend....and I wouldn't blame them. Everyone wants to be encouraged, so why not start by encouraging yourself? If you make a mistake, don't beat yourself up for it! Just take a deep breath and be thankful that you've learned a new way how NOT to do something. Tell yourself to keep going. Appreciate yourself for putting in time and effort on something. Look at a project you've completed and instead of looking at all the little flaws you know are there look at the finished project and be proud of it. Tell yourself it's beautiful. Tell yourself you LOOK beautiful.

* Physical exercise. Oh my goodness! No one told me that there were so many feel-good endorphins that kicked in when you participate in regular physical exercise. I love this natural high! My addiction is running. I simply love it, but when I started I could barely run 100 metres without feeling I was going to die. I could have given up then and there, thinking I was a hopeless cause, but I persisted because I'd always admired runners and wanted to be one. It paid off. The longest distance I have run is 7 kilometres and I recently participated in my first Fun Run by entering Run for the Kids 5.5km course. Running has improved my mental health exponentially. I feel fit, strong and healthy - physically, mentally and emotionally.  So, find what works for you and go for it! You won't regret it!

* Sunshine and fresh air. Hand in hand with physical exercise comes sunshine and fresh air. I'm not a gym junkie. I don't particularly like exercising indoors. Nothing beats getting out there in the early morning sun and the crisp, fresh air and going for a run - or at least walking briskly. During my lunch break I also like to head out for a walk. I find it clears my head and my mood, giving me the extra oomph to get through the rest of the work day. I also love to spend time on the beach watching the sunset with the kids, walking through the bush and sometimes simply sitting in my backyard being still and appreciating the sun on my face and breeze on my skin. So, get out there and breathe and get some Vitamin D!

* Look after yourself. I was one of those wives and mothers who made sure that everyone else was taken care of and I got what was left over. I guess to some extent I still do this, but I also know how to say "no" more often. If I'm too tired or emotionally drained to do something for someone else I have no qualms in saying so. Sometimes I've even pampered myself - had a massage, taken myself off to read a book and drink a coffee in my favorite coffee shop. I've treated myself to a cute top I've admired, simply because I want to dress nicely. Get more sleep! See a friend! Go to the movies by yourself! 

* Learning to love yourself. There's a vast difference between being "up yourself" and loving yourself. Being "up yourself' is selfish, conceited, borne from the fear that you're actually not good enough so you try and be better than everyone. Loving yourself is gentle. Loving yourself is accepting yourself just as you are. Loving yourself means that you take care of yourself, that you realise you're a beautiful, priceless human being. Loving yourself means taking an honest look at yourself, facing up to the traits you know aren't particularly attractive (like gossip, being judgmental) and challenging yourself to change for the better. Let go of old hurts and bitterness that have been weighing you down and cause ugliness to take root. One of the most WONDERFUL things I've learned about loving myself is that I've found I have SO MUCH MORE love to give out! There's no room for rubbish anymore because there's so much love! How can you love others effectively if you don't know how to love yourself, when you're constantly down on yourself and judging yourself according to how you see others?  

* Find what you love doing and do it passionately. For me, it's running and taking care of my home and family. I also love sewing, knitting and reading. Things like running, sewing and knitting involve repetitive movement. I've found  that repetitive movement soothes me and promotes a sense of calm. I recently finished a Fringed Quilt for my daughter Sarah's birthday. It was so therapeutic sewing this quilt and the best part of all was that she LOVES it because it features fabrics from her childhood. This makes me SO happy.

There are probably hundreds of other items on my Happiness Project List, but these are the big ones. 

I can't wait to read The Happiness Project and get some more ideas!

Drifting

I'm feeling like I'm stuck in a holding pattern at the moment. March, April and May are our busiest months of the year due to birthdays and Easter all happening around the same time. Of course this year is also busier as we have a wedding in the middle of April which involves a 1,300km road trip and the planning that goes along with it. Whilst I refuse to use the words crazy, hectic and chaotic to describe this time, I acknowledge that I'm busier than normal. I am busy and am finding it increasingly difficult to practice mindfulness at this time. Instead, I find I am constantly thinking ahead and planning ; eagerly looking forward to quieter times rather than embracing life as it is right now and appreciating that I still have the physical energy to keep up.

I find the mental energy the most exhausting, although I'm glad that I'm experiencing clarity and calm despite everything. Dealing with the stresses of others has been the most exhausting but I have learned to respond rather than react and maintain a calm demeanour which seems to be helpful - especially personally as I find I no longer take things to heart and recover quickly from disappointment. I've accepted things as they are, rather than constantly lose energy over fruitlessly wishing things were different. This in itself has been revolutionary to my own healing.

However, right now I look forward to quieter times and being able to find the space where I can just stop and breathe and listen to the calm direction of my heart. I plan to just sit on the beach and listen to the world around me and feel part of the gentle, unending rhythm of life. I'm looking forward to renewing my energy by taking time out just for me.

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Mama done gone

Gone are the days Mama would tuck their clean, warm, pyjama clad little bodies into their beds.

Gone are the days Mama would read them a quiet story, her gentle rhythm soothing them into sleep.

Gone are the days she would kiss their sleepy little heads and murmur loving words to protect them as they journeyed through the dream country.

Gone are the days where she was knower of all things, the keeper of secrets, the one who could calm a storm, soothe a fear and kiss away worries.

Now it is she who journeys to the dream country before them, whilst they explore the hours of the dark. Although they still take comfort in the knowledge of the presence of her loving embrace, they no longer need it constantly. Mama is no longer the knower of all things. There are others who hold wisdom and knowledge. They seek it for themselves, although they still return to her at times, wanting to share with her their explorations and thoughts and sometimes their dreams.

At times she is wistful, longing for those warm, chubby little bodies in all their roundness and innocence. She looks around and sometimes searches for the little faces filled with hope and laughter, trust and fearlessness. She remembers being Mama and her heart aches that she didn't hold them just that little bit longer, didn't read just one more story and let that song just die on her lips before it had even been sung. She longs for the days of toys over the floor, little naked bodies running with glee, fingerprints and footprints, sand and dirt, leaves and bugs.

They are still hers. Deep in her heart they are still the cheeky, chubby imps they once were, but she sees them grown - adults in their own right, confident and assured of who they are. They're still only starting out on their own, but she has every confidence that they'll be okay. She wonders if Mama still needs to be. One of them still calls her Mama and its like a balm to her soul, an anchor that assures her she's still safely harboured where she always wanted to be.

But Mama's done gone. And it's the way it should be. She watches her little birds soaring in the sky, knowing that they'll fly back from time to time. It's now time for her to explore other skies and dream other dreams.

Dancing Ground Debrief

I took the wonderful opportunity of participating in Dancing Ground over last weekend. Dancing Ground is a not for profit organisation dedicated to promoting community through dance and movement. It is a family-oriented weekend that hosts many different types of workshops for both adults and children alike. You don't have to be a skilled dancer to attend Dancing Ground. You just have to bring a sense of adventure, fun and a positive attitude.

I'd heard about Dancing Ground through Lauren from Sparkling Adventures and it sounded like such fun I thought I'd give it a try. I was both excited at the prospect of participating and nervous about putting myself among a whole group of people I'd never met before. I asked if any of my family wanted to attend with me and thankfully one of my sisters put her hand up so I felt a little more brave.

We arrived at the Gilwell Park Camping Ground on Friday evening and was greeted with a community of colored tents draped with brightly colored bunting..

After registering and receiving our wristbands we drove further into the grounds to find a campsite. Even though the evening was approaching we decided to wait to put up the tent until we had some dinner. And oh what dinner it was! Beautiful, organic vegetarian fare prepared by New Earth Catering. It was delicious! As we were eating we were handed a small, green cord that we were supposed to bring along to the Opening Ceremony. I was hoping we'd be able to get there but we had to erect our tent before it was dark. I met Lauren and two of her lovely daughters - Calista and Delaney. It is so lovely to see someone you've admired for a while in person. I was really taken with the gentle, calm nature of Lauren and the girls. They really are beautiful souls.

Luckily it was still fairly light when we finished and we managed to erect our two-person tent quickly.

(This was taken the next afternoon)

We missed the Opening Ceremony unfortunately, so we never knew what we were supposed to do with the green cords. On reflection, I think Opening Ceremony would have made our introduction to Dancing Ground a lot smoother than it was as it may have fostered a sense of belonging. Instead, we headed up to the dancing space after the 5-Rhythms Workshop had already started and both my sister and I felt a little apprehensive and nervous about joining in. 

Sitting on the outside, looking in; wanting to join in so desperately!

With every fibre of my being I wanted to get over myself and join in. The music was calling me to just set everything aside and just dance with freedom and abandonment...but I felt conspicuous...very aware of my own physicality and difference. But I knew my awareness was with me only. All the other dancers were just entering into the spirit of things, letting their body move naturally to the feel of the music. I just stayed on the other. Miserable with myself.

Would I have joined in if I was on my own? Probably. I felt so self conscious. I also didn't want to leave my sister on the sidelines. Still, there was the promise of the workshops scheduled the next day.

We went to bed but didn't sleep well on the hard ground. Morning arrived and I woke with new determination to participate. I hurried up to the main tent to join in with the Hatha Flow yoga class and was so glad I did. The poses and stretches served to wake me up and promote a sense of calm. I was a little confronted when we had to partner up for a couple of exercises but the guy in front of me just turned around and partnered me without a bat of an eyelid. Again, I felt the sense that it was my own self-consciousness holding me back rather than the reluctance of others not knowing "what to do with me".

As my sister and I were preparing to head in to nearby Gembrook for a sneaky cup of coffee, we walked past the main tent and was attracted by the sound of the West Afro Dance Party Dance workshop with Sackey. It looked like such fun, so we decided we'd join in. I'm so glad we did! You couldn't help but smile the whole way through the 90 minute invigorating workshop. Sackey, the facilitator, brought a whole wealth of cultural experience from Ghana and his passion was evident and infectious. He got our whole bodies moving and the funny thing was that no matter how tired we were getting our bodies just kept wanting to move to the rhythm. We loved every second of it!

After coffee and lunch I participated in the Sound Healing workshop with Dave Holtz. Lauren had spoken about Sound Showers on her blog and so I was keen to investigate this for myself. I found Dave's workshop beautiful and relaxing as the sounds resonated around and through me. I felt myself drifting off a few times which was lovely but for the most part I reflected on my gratefulness for the life I have now and the journey I've taken thus far. 

Contemplating under the trees.

We didn't stay for the rest of the Festival; deciding instead to pack up early and return home. Although I was disappointed I knew I had participated in the workshops I was really interested in and it was the time to exercise unselfishness and compassion. I felt peaceful about leaving. 

I would like to attend Dancing Ground again. I feel as though I have more to learn, more to confront within myself. I learned that I still have a way to travel on this journey towards self acceptance and self love, that I still struggle with being judgmental, that I am still working out who I am and that I struggle with my own physicality rather than actually being judged by others for it. 

I've learned that I am more brave than I realised, fitter than before and that I am still loved wholly by the Creator of the Universe. 

Literal vs Figurative

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Have you ever thought about how much of the way we listen, speak and understand comes from implied language?

No?

I didn't either, until I started working with someone on the Autism Spectrum. (AS) I work with Akash, who identifies as "an Aspie" or "someone with autism". He is very high functioning - I'd call him a brainiac. He'll talk your ear off, he knows how to get your computer working better, stronger and faster (like the Six Million Dollar Man), he knows about film and photography, he writes music and lyrics....basically he's super smart!

We have struck up a friendship through a project Akash dragged me into. And I do mean dragged. He just came to me one day and said, "Come with me! I need you to interview *this person* for our new e-magazine!"  and Take 5 with Leisa was born! Akash just throws me into these interviews. I know nothing about the person, nothing about what they do, up until I interviewed Samuel Johnson from Love Your Sister two weeks ago.

I learn a lot from Akash, possibly because he is so vocal and up front about his disability. If he doesn't understand something he will say so....and because of that I have realised how much of our spoken language also includes unspoken inferences.

For example, one of our colleagues walked past Akash's office yesterday with a plate of food and announced, "I have food!"

Now those of us who have no problems processing language and the inferred meaning behind it know that the meaning of the sentence, "I have food!" is, "I have food left over from the catering for the meeting we just had. You are all welcome to share it if you would like!"

But Akash doesn't know that. He furrowed his brow and said to me, "So....she has a plate of food? What does that mean? I can see she has a plate of food!" So I had to explain to him the implied meaning behind the sentence. Although he understood that the food was now there to share he thought that announcing that, "I have a plate of food!" was silly and akin to just randomly announcing, "I am wearing shoes!"

So I've been thinking a lot about that since yesterday and realised that most of us understand what each other is talking about because we understand inference and implication whereas someone on the AS might not. It's like speaking a different language to them....or it is to Akash anyway.

Now I know to be very literal with Akash and to say what I mean. When we are filming another episode of Take 5 I can't say to him, "Darn it Akash! I didn't put my face on today!" He won't understand it. I need to say, "Akash, I am really concerned because I haven't got my make up on and I wish I did because the lights make me look like a ghost. I need to wear makeup!"

But then again....that confuses him too.....because he can't understand the concept of makeup. He thinks that's silly and a waste of time too.

And honestly, he possibly has a point. Why do we feel the need to cover our faces?

Akash opens up a whole new way of thinking I'd never considered before.