The Happiness Project

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kikkiK emailed me a $10 voucher for my birthday earlier this month. I love kikkiK, although I don't shop there often. I do love to browse through and look at all the beautiful stationery. I looked at the email on Monday and realised that I only had until the end of this month to redeem the voucher, so I printed it out and went down to my local store as I walked home from work.

It didn't take me long to spot this gorgeous little book sitting on the shelf. I didn't even have to read the blurb, I just had to have it! The title alone spoke to me. I quickly picked it up, redeemed my voucher, paid the balance of $14.95 and it was mine. I can't wait to read it. I'm reading Game of Thrones at the moment  but as soon as that's finished this little book and I have a date!

The Happiness Project chronicles Gretchen Rubin's year long test driving of theories and studies about how people can be happier. I realised when I saw the book that I have been participating in my own Happiness Project for the past year. It's all been unconscious, but I have done a lot of reflecting of late as to why I am happy and how I came to this place of contentedness. 

Here's what I have discovered:

* Smiling!  How simple is that? It's simple but it's powerful. Smiling is relaxing. It takes fewer muscles to smile than it does to frown. Did you know that? Come on! Everyone knows that! I find that if I smile my mood really does lift. And guess what? I see more people smiling back at me when I'm smiling for no reason except that it feels good. It's contagious! Like the saying goes, if you see someone without a smile give them one of yours! Seriously though, never underestimate the power of smiling. 

* Stop the negative self-talk. Honestly, if I talked to my friends the way I used to talk to myself NO ONE would want to be my friend....and I wouldn't blame them. Everyone wants to be encouraged, so why not start by encouraging yourself? If you make a mistake, don't beat yourself up for it! Just take a deep breath and be thankful that you've learned a new way how NOT to do something. Tell yourself to keep going. Appreciate yourself for putting in time and effort on something. Look at a project you've completed and instead of looking at all the little flaws you know are there look at the finished project and be proud of it. Tell yourself it's beautiful. Tell yourself you LOOK beautiful.

* Physical exercise. Oh my goodness! No one told me that there were so many feel-good endorphins that kicked in when you participate in regular physical exercise. I love this natural high! My addiction is running. I simply love it, but when I started I could barely run 100 metres without feeling I was going to die. I could have given up then and there, thinking I was a hopeless cause, but I persisted because I'd always admired runners and wanted to be one. It paid off. The longest distance I have run is 7 kilometres and I recently participated in my first Fun Run by entering Run for the Kids 5.5km course. Running has improved my mental health exponentially. I feel fit, strong and healthy - physically, mentally and emotionally.  So, find what works for you and go for it! You won't regret it!

* Sunshine and fresh air. Hand in hand with physical exercise comes sunshine and fresh air. I'm not a gym junkie. I don't particularly like exercising indoors. Nothing beats getting out there in the early morning sun and the crisp, fresh air and going for a run - or at least walking briskly. During my lunch break I also like to head out for a walk. I find it clears my head and my mood, giving me the extra oomph to get through the rest of the work day. I also love to spend time on the beach watching the sunset with the kids, walking through the bush and sometimes simply sitting in my backyard being still and appreciating the sun on my face and breeze on my skin. So, get out there and breathe and get some Vitamin D!

* Look after yourself. I was one of those wives and mothers who made sure that everyone else was taken care of and I got what was left over. I guess to some extent I still do this, but I also know how to say "no" more often. If I'm too tired or emotionally drained to do something for someone else I have no qualms in saying so. Sometimes I've even pampered myself - had a massage, taken myself off to read a book and drink a coffee in my favorite coffee shop. I've treated myself to a cute top I've admired, simply because I want to dress nicely. Get more sleep! See a friend! Go to the movies by yourself! 

* Learning to love yourself. There's a vast difference between being "up yourself" and loving yourself. Being "up yourself' is selfish, conceited, borne from the fear that you're actually not good enough so you try and be better than everyone. Loving yourself is gentle. Loving yourself is accepting yourself just as you are. Loving yourself means that you take care of yourself, that you realise you're a beautiful, priceless human being. Loving yourself means taking an honest look at yourself, facing up to the traits you know aren't particularly attractive (like gossip, being judgmental) and challenging yourself to change for the better. Let go of old hurts and bitterness that have been weighing you down and cause ugliness to take root. One of the most WONDERFUL things I've learned about loving myself is that I've found I have SO MUCH MORE love to give out! There's no room for rubbish anymore because there's so much love! How can you love others effectively if you don't know how to love yourself, when you're constantly down on yourself and judging yourself according to how you see others?  

* Find what you love doing and do it passionately. For me, it's running and taking care of my home and family. I also love sewing, knitting and reading. Things like running, sewing and knitting involve repetitive movement. I've found  that repetitive movement soothes me and promotes a sense of calm. I recently finished a Fringed Quilt for my daughter Sarah's birthday. It was so therapeutic sewing this quilt and the best part of all was that she LOVES it because it features fabrics from her childhood. This makes me SO happy.

There are probably hundreds of other items on my Happiness Project List, but these are the big ones. 

I can't wait to read The Happiness Project and get some more ideas!

Drifting

I'm feeling like I'm stuck in a holding pattern at the moment. March, April and May are our busiest months of the year due to birthdays and Easter all happening around the same time. Of course this year is also busier as we have a wedding in the middle of April which involves a 1,300km road trip and the planning that goes along with it. Whilst I refuse to use the words crazy, hectic and chaotic to describe this time, I acknowledge that I'm busier than normal. I am busy and am finding it increasingly difficult to practice mindfulness at this time. Instead, I find I am constantly thinking ahead and planning ; eagerly looking forward to quieter times rather than embracing life as it is right now and appreciating that I still have the physical energy to keep up.

I find the mental energy the most exhausting, although I'm glad that I'm experiencing clarity and calm despite everything. Dealing with the stresses of others has been the most exhausting but I have learned to respond rather than react and maintain a calm demeanour which seems to be helpful - especially personally as I find I no longer take things to heart and recover quickly from disappointment. I've accepted things as they are, rather than constantly lose energy over fruitlessly wishing things were different. This in itself has been revolutionary to my own healing.

However, right now I look forward to quieter times and being able to find the space where I can just stop and breathe and listen to the calm direction of my heart. I plan to just sit on the beach and listen to the world around me and feel part of the gentle, unending rhythm of life. I'm looking forward to renewing my energy by taking time out just for me.

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Mama done gone

Gone are the days Mama would tuck their clean, warm, pyjama clad little bodies into their beds.

Gone are the days Mama would read them a quiet story, her gentle rhythm soothing them into sleep.

Gone are the days she would kiss their sleepy little heads and murmur loving words to protect them as they journeyed through the dream country.

Gone are the days where she was knower of all things, the keeper of secrets, the one who could calm a storm, soothe a fear and kiss away worries.

Now it is she who journeys to the dream country before them, whilst they explore the hours of the dark. Although they still take comfort in the knowledge of the presence of her loving embrace, they no longer need it constantly. Mama is no longer the knower of all things. There are others who hold wisdom and knowledge. They seek it for themselves, although they still return to her at times, wanting to share with her their explorations and thoughts and sometimes their dreams.

At times she is wistful, longing for those warm, chubby little bodies in all their roundness and innocence. She looks around and sometimes searches for the little faces filled with hope and laughter, trust and fearlessness. She remembers being Mama and her heart aches that she didn't hold them just that little bit longer, didn't read just one more story and let that song just die on her lips before it had even been sung. She longs for the days of toys over the floor, little naked bodies running with glee, fingerprints and footprints, sand and dirt, leaves and bugs.

They are still hers. Deep in her heart they are still the cheeky, chubby imps they once were, but she sees them grown - adults in their own right, confident and assured of who they are. They're still only starting out on their own, but she has every confidence that they'll be okay. She wonders if Mama still needs to be. One of them still calls her Mama and its like a balm to her soul, an anchor that assures her she's still safely harboured where she always wanted to be.

But Mama's done gone. And it's the way it should be. She watches her little birds soaring in the sky, knowing that they'll fly back from time to time. It's now time for her to explore other skies and dream other dreams.