Getting out of the box

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A number of years ago I had someone from a church approach me with a prophesy saying that I was "breaking out of the box". Another person confirmed this by saying that she had a picture of me breaking out of a box in a typical "Ta-Dah!" type fashion. I felt at the time that this was a very relevant word of encouragement....and thought I knew what "breaking out of the box" would look like. See, I still thought it would be within the confines of the way I thought faith was done, the way it looked, the way it sounded, the rituals and what I thought was expected of me.

Things have taken a very different turn and, in my opinion, a turn for the better.

I am open. I am exploring. My eyes are no longer blinkered into thinking that faith only follows one path. It follows many. I honestly, truly believe that now. I believe that God is love and He rewards those who diligently seek Him.

And I am.

Still, I find a reluctance to share this journey openly on this blog and on Facebook. I hesitate clicking *Like* on pages that interest me but might invoke disapproval from Christian friends with whom I still associate. Why is that?

Part of the answer comes from my own experiences of the teachings that *this* is THE only way. There is no other way. Period.

But my journey is taking me to a place where I believe that several ways can co-exist and compliment each other rather than conflict. Why throw babies out with their bathwater? Can't all things be sifted and one use the "wheat and chaff" method when it comes to personal truth?

Jesus said some really cool things.........but so did Buddah......and Albert Camus. All said truths that really resonate with me, but I was told to totally reject everything other than what Jesus said.

I admire Jesus, I really do....but I think I was brought up with the "perfection" of Jesus and everyone tended to forget that Jesus being the cool person he was hung out with the marginalised people of society, the misfits, the unclean, the rejected, the sinners, the lepers, the prostitutes, the tax collectors, the disabled, the short people! (hey Zaccheus my man!) I think the "good Christian people" made it complicated and exclusive. I wonder if Jesus and Buddah would've gotten along? I think they would have. Jesus didn't demand that people change. People just met him and liked who he was. They didn't have to perform to a standard of behavior for him to spend time with them...and after meeting him they wanted to be better people and started challenging the ways they did life. Did they start going to the synagogue or the temple every weekend? Did they feel pressure to attend meetings in the homes of other believers every week? Maybe. Maybe not. But they still chose to be better people.

And that's what I'm seeking to do. Be a better person....or rather, accepting the better person who has been in there all along.

My faith has been stripped down to this:

In the end what matters most is:

How well did you love?

How well did you live?

How well did you learn to let go?

Buddah

This is not to say that I have become a Buddhist, but this really resonates with me....especially the letting go part. 

So.....I am looking at doing a day-long workshop at the Meditation Centre in Melbourne - all about Self-Esteem. A Buddhist monk will be facilitating the day. The blurb is as follows:

We all want to feel good about ourselves. Suffering from a lack of self esteem can adversely affect our daily life, relationships and spiritual development.

On this day course we will see how Buddhist wisdom offers us a different way of viewing ourself, relating to the extraordinary potential we all have rather than our limitations. Developing this inner confidence will naturally lead us to improve our good qualities and develop positive, happy states of mind, as well as enabling us to be a positive influence on those around us. 

I'm curious....and there's nothing wrong with that.

Who are the people in my neighborhood?

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They're the people that you meet

When you're walkin' down the street.

They're the people that you meet each day.

I feel as though I have two neighborhoods - the one at home and the one at work. I'm beginning to feel fond of both of them in different ways. In some ways I think I know my work neighborhood better. There are familiar faces I see each day and, although I may not know each person by name nor even speak with them, I feel a closeness towards them. I'm a familiar soul. I like consistency and routine. 

Anyway, I thought I'd give you all a run down on "the people that I meet each day" - just for the fun of it.

6am Scooter Guy: You hear him before you see him. I don't know what's with him but he goes along the road on his scooter at a cracking pace and he's yelling. At nothing. I don't know if he's got headphones on and he's yelling away to some screamo lyrics or with Eminem, but every single morning he's out there, scooting up the road and yelling. At 6am. Maybe he has Tourettes? I don't know....but I find him comforting in his familiarity. Maybe one day we will say hello?

Powerwalker/Running Lady: She and I have almost collided a couple of times - especially when it's still dark at 6am and we're both doing our thing around the running track. We both need to remember to wear light coloured clothing so that we both see each other coming! I admire her actually because it's obvious she is really committed to becoming fit and trimming down. I don't know how far she runs but she's doing a great job.

Committed couple: I should really stop and chat to these two as they only live a few houses down from me, so I've discovered. I have a sneaking suspicion that she may experience depression - just from her demeanor and the way she walks. He seems to walk with more of a spring to his step and greets me with a booming "Hello!" or "Good morning!" They've often started off walking hand in hand and then I see him powering on ahead whilst she goes at more of a sedate pace.

New dogs couple: These are a couple of new people who have just started the walking circuit. They've just adopted two adult dogs - one a Rottweiler cross and the other that looks as though he has Rhodesian Ridgeback in there somewhere. They are quite a shy couple although we are just starting to exchange pleasantries. The dogs are simply beautiful - friendly, exuberant dogs. They now see me coming and come bounding over to greet me. I am unafraid as they are lovely animals, despite the fact that they could easily bowl me over in their excitement. They make me want to go to the animal shelter and adopt a big, friendly dog. (I just realised their profile is more about their dogs than them!)

 Dear little older lady: I see her every day on my walk to work after I get off the train. I am unsure if she speaks English but every day we greet each other with a beaming smile and a "Hello". It doesn't matter what time of the day I am walking - she's always there - and I wonder if that's all she does all day. She's there with her red walker, just walking the streets. She has the stooped posture and slow steps of age, but I can tell that she possibly led an active life when she was young. She's small and thin and reminds me of my mother in some way...or what my mother may become when she's 20 years older. 

Homeless Man: He just sits a lot. He sits and smokes and watches the day go by. I don't know if he's also on the turps, but he loves to smoke...too much. He has a horrible cough and often spits up goo onto the street. Still, he greets me with a toothless smile and a, "How are ya today luv?" so I smile back and greet him too. I wonder what his story is?

Tattooed Man: I think he's homeless too....I'm not really sure. He has tattoos all over his face and spends a lot of the day searching through the rubbish bins and on the pavements for any smoke-able cigarette butts. I feel a little afraid of him, but I think this is more to do with his foreboding appearance. He has always smiled at me and greeted me with a happy face so I don't believe I have anything to fear from him. 

Linda the Mail Carrier: Linda comes in to work every day and delivers the mail. She hails from Canada and loves to have a chat. She enjoys reading the Odd Spot on the front of the Age newspaper every day which gives us something else to chat about - and oh how she loves a chat! She calls me "Chickadee". She is always interested in events we have happening and managed to watch all the films shown at The Other Film Festival  after asking the Festival Director if she could borrow them. She sometimes brings me treats from Let Them Eat Cake from just around the corner and loves practicing her Auslan with me. 

Michael the dude from Zappa: Owns the cafe on the corner. He calls everyone "Darling" and "Bella" and speaks Italian to them - "Bonjourno Leisa Bella!"  "Ciao bella!" I don't know if he's actually Italian....but all his staff at the cafe are the same. I think his cafe is very well known because you can sometimes spot celebrities hanging out in there. Michael is always very well dressed and has a well manicured stubble on his chin - designer stubble?

Benji:  Is the local golden labrador who is not for sale but can be found snoozing in the window of his owner's boutique fashion shop. Benji looks friendly but is pretty aloof -as aloof as his owner. I've often greeted him but he's just not interested. Maybe too well trained for my liking? I like my dogs a little rough round the edges.

The Big Issue Seller: I think this guy has paraplegia. I'm not too sure, but he's in his electric wheelchair and hangs around outside Coles. I've bought a Big Issue off him once. I should do so again. He seems well known around Clarendon Street. He's rather a big man...but short too. Not short like me though.

Burnt Butter Ladies: After being a committed "Red Petite" customer I have started getting my coffees from the ladies at Burnt Butter these days. After Win and Ing left the coffee nirvana that was Red Petite it just wasn't the same so I switched to Burnt Butter. They are lovely and friendly in there. I'm yet to find out their names. I'm terrible at asking! Next time. They make delicious coffee and top the cup off with a small piece of biscotti which is sweet and light and very, very delicious. It's worth the extra 20c per cup!

So, there's a snapshot of a few characters from my two neighborhoods. 

Who are the people in your neighborhood?

Tanabata

As I embrace the concept of pursuing a life of simplicity the more time I have to listen to the hopes and dreams and wishes of others. I love the opportunity to connect with each of my children again as adults.

And yet, I love discovering that they still have child-like ways of looking at the world; that they still embrace magic, fantasy, silliness and traditions.

For the past week Georgia had been talking about celebrating Tanabata - a Japanese tradition where people write their wishes on coloured pieces of paper, tie them to branches of bamboo and float them down a stream. This is traditionally done on July 7 or August 7, depending on the region. 

It is said that Tanabata originated over 2000 years ago when a weaver princess named Orihime met a cow herder prince named Hikoboshi. They spent all their time playing in space and forgot about their responsibilities. The king was angry with them and banished them both to different ends of the Milky Way, only allowing them to meet on the seventh day of the seventh month each lunar year.

The word Tanabata literally means "night of the seventh". It is also known as the Star Festival and as Orihime and Hikoboshi are only allowed to meet on this night the people often pray for fair weather.

Unfortunately our Tanabata Festival lands right in the middle of winter so chances of the weather being fair were slim. We each wrote wishes on coloured pieces of paper - Sarah and Chloe choosing to fold theirs into paper cranes, Tim and I rolled ours into scrolls and Georgia wrote hers on the more traditional strips of paper. It was freezing cold when Georgia and I made our way down to the beach to look for a branch. Georgia was sure that the lightweight wood we found was similar to bamboo. As we tied our wishes to it the rain started and quickly turned into a downpour complete with hailstones. We threw the branch into the sea but it took several attempts because the wind kept bringing it back in. By the time we made our way back to the car we were soaking wet but laughing fit to burst! "That was fun!" Georgia exclaimed; and I had to agree it was. I'm sure the men who were standing on the beach fishing thought we were mad!

Poor Orihime and Hikoboshi didn't have a lovely night to meet in Australia but hopefully they'll grant our wishes because of our efforts anyway.

And what feels really, really good is that just for a little while we connected with childhood and preserved some of its magic and innocence for us to remember always.

Inhabiting this space

Today I've kind of found it hard to get going. It's not that I don't feel motivated, I'm just taking it slow and have this wonderful sense of well-being that's kind of just slowed me down so I can appreciate just being. What's life if not to enjoy? It's too short to spend it being flat out all the time.

I'm enjoying experimenting with gardening. I'm trying my hand at growing carrot seedlings, kale and radishes. I bought a number of herbs yesterday - parsley, rosemary, chives, mint, coriander and...something else. I have capsicum seeds from a capsicum I bought drying on the kitchen windowsill and will try planting them to see what we get. My friend Joscelyn sent me some stevia seeds that she harvested from her plants so I'll plant those too. The cauliflower, broccoli, leek, silver beet and onions I planted a few months back are growing beautifully and the compost heap is becoming all kinds of juicy. I find it kind of exciting really; watching all this grow and knowing it will one day nourish our bodies. I'd like to get some seed potatoes in the ground one day and I'm seriously toying with the idea of getting an enclosed chicken run and getting some chooks. Lets bring the country to the suburbs!

Add to that the knitting I'm doing and I'm starting to feel as though returning to a simple life and working on becoming self-sustainable is an achievable goal. It will be a lifetime journey that will be ever developing and never ending but fills me with a sense of purpose. Ideas fill my head about making things with my hands and giving them as gifts or selling them and this fills me with excitement, realising that this is possible - maybe not to the grand scale I would like it to be, but to some level at least.

Doing things for myself also fills me with a sense of satisfaction. Getting out in my yard and cutting the grass with a push mower (you know - like those old fashioned ones. No motor.) makes me feel independent. Sure, it's not as "finished" as a mower would do it & the edges could do with whipper-snippering but it looks a darn sight neater after I do it than before. Not only that, but it's great exercise!

I'm feeling very solitary, but I don't seem to mind it. Life is just full of simple pleasures and I feel as though I've slowed down, opened my eyes and seen how rich a simple life can be. Yes there are things I am wrestling with spiritually but I feel these too are part of the journey and will resolve if I just give them time and patience.

Inhabiting a really good place. Now, off to do some baking!

Quoting scripture

The Bible was quite a significant influence in my early life - and up until recently I suppose. In fact, as a child I can't remember not knowing Bible stories and verses. I remember reading Genesis to Deuteronomy in a King James Bible when I was all of seven. I read it like a story; simply fascinated and intrigued with the story of Moses and the exodus of the Hebrews out of Egypt. My Nanna also had comic versions of the Old Testament in book form - kind of manga style, but not. My brothers and I simply loved those books, devouring them every time we visited.

We also knew a lot of "memory verses" due to the fact that we had a lot of LP records of a little doll named Marcy who would sing a lot of songs that were either pure scripture or Biblical stories in song.

It all seemed so real then; simple, uncomplicated, straightforward. God loved you. Jesus loved you. That was it. No more. No less. We were children. We accepted it all and there was no pressure to be good or do good or reach any ideals of Christian behaviour. You could believe in both Jesus and Santa Claus without one compromising the other. You could engage in the mystery and magic of childhood made up rituals without the fear that you were entering into something sinister or evil.

I don't know when it changed...or do I? Adolescence? Going to a place where all things spiritual became incredibly intense? Seeing too many "out there" things that we should never had witnessed without at least a good debrief afterwards? I don't know. Maybe a combination of everything.

Religion has left me confused and conflicted. It claimed to have all the answers and yet left me with so many unanswered questions. I still can't reconcile events and circumstances in my life with the things I was presented with as "truth". Looking at things in the cold, hard light of day there seemed to be a "formula" to sowing and reaping and yet despite sowing what I was told to sow I never seemed to reap what I was told I would reap. 

Scripture quoting sometimes seemed like a bandaid when things seemed to hard to deal with. God has not given us a spirit of fear but of love, power and a sound mind sounds great in theory but what if you're struggling and have always struggled with an anxiety disorder? What about if your anxiety is so bad that it stops you in your tracks, freezes you to the spot and renders you so dysfunctional that you think you're going to lose your mind? Continuing anxiety seemed to be more of a statement about a lack of faith or trust which then fed into the idea that you weren't a "good" Christian, that there was something wrong with you, that then became a part of the anxiety cycle.

What about if you pray and pray and believe for the healing that you're told is yours in Christ and yet you still have to hand your precious babies over to into the hands of surgeons time and time and time again? What about the woman down the road who prays for a little red haired baby and gets one and all you pray for is a healthy baby, unaffected with a particular genetic condition and yet your precious, amazing, wonderful baby has had to endure more medical interventions than you even care to recount? 

Sometimes "Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and don't forget to thank Him for his answers," just feels like a slap to the face when you're feeling that providing the red haired baby seemed more important than providing you with your healthy one.

I don't think I've ever gotten over that one. Obviously, by the fact that I continue to revisit it.

So here I am. Out in limbo. That's what this feels like. No Mans Land. Neither believing like I did and yet reluctant to extinguish that flickering candle that has always burned for as long as I remember. Even now many of those scriptures come back to me and I turn them over in my mind as one would examine a shell on the beach. I wonder about their significance and application to my life as it is now and whether there can ever be some kind of reconciliation between what I was taught and what my experience actually is.

This is a very lonely place to be in for I feel there is no one to talk to who might relate. There just seems to be these two opposing camps - those who are completely enmeshed and sold out to "the truth" and those who are either indifferent or don't believe at all.

Surely there is a place where the two can live in harmony?

Relaxing at the Hot Springs

Last Friday morning my sister Serrin and I visited the Peninsula Hot Springs for a well-deserved time out and relax. We had been there before and were well aware of the beautiful surroundings and peaceful atmosphere that is the Hot Springs.

The Peninsula Hot Springs is located on the Mornington Peninsula, just 90 km from Melbourne. They are the first natural springs and day spa in Victoria founded in 1997 and officially opened in 2005. Natural thermal mineral waters flow into the 20 different baths making it a lovely place to relax and rejuvenate.  Temperatures in the pools range from 36˚C to 43˚C and there is also a cold plunge pool if you’re feeling especially bold!

The Hilltop Pool with a full 360 degree view of the Peninsula.
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The Peninsula Hot Springs is a very popular destination and so for that reason I would highly recommend booking your bathing experience in advance. Even during the week there are a number of visitors there, although the atmosphere at the springs is such that it never seems crowded. Still, if you are after a more quiet experience I would recommend you go during the week and avoid school holidays and weekends.

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Serrin and I spent a number of hours at the Hot Springs and also enjoyed a light lunch and delicious coffee from the café. It was lovely just to spend time together, talking about our lives, hopes and dreams for our future and those of our children. I treasure these times together as sisters and dearly hope that or other sisters can join us on our next trip up there. Our bodies relaxed as we soaked in the warm waters and muscle tensions dissolved away, leaving us both with a sense of well-being and calm.

Admittedly, as a person with an obvious physical difference I have had to fight the battle in my own head with my feelings about feeling like I'm on display in an environment like this one, but I am learning that if I show confidence in myself and the more I am comfortable in my own skin the less I am bothered by it. The internal battle is beginning to wind down now and for that I am glad.

If ever you’re down on the Mornington Peninsula I would highly recommend a day at the Peninsula Hot Springs.

*This is not a sponsored post. I simply write about places that I love.*