Dancing Ground Take 2

Communal space - where we all ate and generally hung out!

After the Welcoming Circle we danced on the green towards Five Rhythms.

My humble abode for the night. This time I remembered a rake to clear the ground and a hammer to get the tent pegs in! Yay me!

You might remember that last year around this time I took my first foray into the festival that was Dancing Ground. Inspired by an online friend I convinced my sister to join me in a weekend of camping, yoga, dance and communal living in the Dandenong Ranges. 

Both of us found Dancing Ground to be a little confronting last year - she more so than me. For me it was about being comfortable in my own skin, shaking this obviously different body around in front if a whole lot of strangers. In spite of this I did enjoy my time at Dancing Ground last year and even though we left early I was glad I went.

I'm here again this year. I write this from the comfort of a beanbag in the Communal Space. I'm glad I've come...and I'm comfortable being on my own. This time I've met people, talked with them, watched over a baby as his mother went to wash their plates. People are friendly. I've been hugged by strangers, made contact through dance.

I've danced.

This year I determined I would make sure I participated from the start. I was present in the Welcoming Circle. I went to 5 Rhythms straight afterwards. This morning I stretched my body in Satyananda Yoga. I went to Kundilini Dance and listened as Leyola spoke about the Divine Mother and connecting to the divine masculine and feminine. I still don't know my own personal thoughts about all that, but I listened with an open mind and danced with a open heart. I cannot deny something happened to me as I danced - the release of tension, the feeling of intense responsibility, as though I was carrying not only my own anxieties but the collective anxieties of the many people who mean the most to me. If you're family and you're reading this, I carried yours too. The sense of responsibility was overwhelming...and I felt that the harder I danced the better it would be for you. My explanation of how I felt doesn't do it justice...but I felt it. I hope you did too.

I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad I challenged my own sense of hesitancy. I'm glad I pushed through everything about me that screamed and begged to stay in my safe place. I'm going to the Sound Healing workshop this afternoon. Who knows what awaits?

I wish you were here.

Treats

When I was a child I remember that after beach trips on hot summer days we would stop off at the local Milk Bar and Mum and Dad would buy everyone icypoles. We kids would get the generic type icypoles - usually lemonade flavoured, or perhaps even orange, raspberry or lime.

But Mum and Dad would treat themselves. They'd get something like a Wild Strawberry or a Golden Gaytime - creamy icecream with fruit or nuts or biscuit and covered in chocolate that would crack as you bit into it. 

I can't remember any of we kids being jealous at all. Heck! We had ICYPOLES! Who needed anything more? 

But I do remember those delicious looking icecreams...and as the years have rolled past I realise that they were possibly the only things and the only times my parents truly treated themselves with something that was just special to them. They were always such giving people, working hard to make a living, pay the bills and keep food on the table for their ever-growing family. Honestly, they deserved a tiny bit of luxury now and again - even if it came in the form of a 50c (and THAT was expensive back then!) icecream now and again.

I was reminded of this yesterday when my man and I treated ourselves to some fine dining to celebrate Valentines Day. We headed down the Mornington Peninsula and ate at Montalto Vineyard and Olive Grove in Red Hill. Folks, if ever you're down that way, do drop in. Lovely surrounds, friendly, attentive staff without being overbearing and the most delicious cuisine. 

Pricey? Yes. My man and I spent on one meal what I spend on a weeks worth of groceries...but I reminded myself that sometimes we need to simply relax, treat ourselves and enjoy every delicious morsel. We work hard every day and often deny ourselves the pleasures of life in order to simply get by. 

So we relaxed, and indulged and had the most wonderful time chatting and enjoying each other's company whilst admiring a beautiful view and enjoying the most delicious food in quite a while.

And although the Wild Strawberry and the Golden Gaytime were not in the same league food-wise, I really, really, really hope my parents felt the same sense of enjoyment and satisfaction all those years ago...because oh how they deserved to be indulged now and again!

What lies beneath

Image credit

I had a good introductory session with my PT today -  a warm up jog around the lake, lunges uphill, pole squats, sprints, core work, stretching. It was good. K says I have good muscle structure, which was pleasing to hear. She identified some weaknesses that we're going to work on. Wednesday morning workouts are going to be concentrating on cardio fitness. Saturday mornings will be full body training. I'm looking forward to it. It's so good to be training with someone who will correct my posture as I exercise and pull my body into alignment so I get full benefit from each. Due to my body mechanics there are stretches that are totally ineffectual if I do them on my own. There's just not enough length in my bones to stretch out the muscles that are just the same as yours but confined to a smaller scaffolding.

I have a feeling though that this training is going to bring things up that are lurking below the surface. As K was telling me to sprint the last legs of each circuit I heard myself saying, "But I can't run fast!" As she encouraged me to run on my toes, not letting my heels strike the ground I felt stupid and said, "I can't! I don't know how!" I felt stirrings of being back at school again and being the slowest, the least fit, finishing last and the one that would lose a game. I began feeling embarrassed, apologetic, ashamed.

K did everything right. If she saw me lose balance she'd encourage me to switch on my core, with specific instructions about how to do that. There was a lot of, "Good! That's it! Keep going! Nice balance! You're in the zone! Good focus! You have good muscle structure!"

I needed that...because the urge to be apologetic was strong. And what am I apologetic about??

I don't know.

Maybe I do....I still feel the need to apologise for this "package".

Why?

Tell me when it's over

You know what I love most about exercise?

The moment it stops.

Oh...and the several hours following.

It's not always easy to slip on the running shoes, or pack my bag to head off to the pool. As a matter of fact when that alarm goes off at 5:45am four mornings a week I must hit the Snooze button three times on average. Bed is too warm and comfy and after getting up to the dog twice a night on average I really don't feel like getting up early.

But I do. And when I hit the road I'm still thinking, "Why the hell am I doing this?" But I keep going.

This morning I got that feeling when I faced the pool. I did not want to get in and do lap after lap. They keep the pool at a cooler temperature now. It's not too comfortable getting in.

This morning I did 20 laps of the 50m pool. It's boring. It's exhausting. I think I like running better because I can put on some tunes and zone out or concentrate on my technique or file away thoughts and ideas as I cover the k's. But swimming? Lap after lap of boring.

But that feeling after it's done? That's what makes it all worth it. That feeling of all your muscles having worked hard. The adrenaline is pumping, my head is clear. I feel pumped and ready for action. I get home and fix myself some breakfast and it tastes like the most delicious food on the planet. I feel so good after I've eaten.

My mood is lifted and there's a feeling of goodwill towards everyone. Plans are made with the rest of the family and they see me go off to work happy. It's easier to give out to them because I feel energised.

And that's why getting up early and pushing through the barrier of I don't wanna! is worth it. I feel alive.