Making lemonade

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No, this is not a home-making post, so if you're looking for a recipe for delicious homemade lemonade you'll be sadly disappointed. However, if you happen to know of a good lemonade recipe, I'm all ears!

Our house was egged yesterday. Again. Yes, it's happened before and it will happen again. Actually.I'm expecting another onslaught today sometime. It is still the weekend and the neighbourhood kids are bored. Heaven help us when school holidays start at the end of the week!

Our attackers are rather bold. They will do it at any time of day, circling the house on their bikes and calling out the "m" word. I filmed one of them on my phone yesterday. Evidence I guess.

I'm choosing to act in love. I greet the boys and tell them my name so hopefully one day, when they get bored with what they're doing they'll choose to get to know me rather than attack us simply because of our genetic condition. Human behaviour truly baffles me. We reduce ourselves to the animalistic instinct of picking on the different, the weak, the infirm, knowing full well we are doing so rather than acting based on the instinct of survival of the fittest. This is what the animal kingdom is genetically engineered to do. Human beings were designed to do things differently to animals. Unfortunately some human beings are unaware of this fact.

I'm choosing to rejoice in the fact that the front windows of our house are sparking clean now that I've washed the eggy residue off. I'd been meaning to wash the windows for the longest time. There's nothing like the smell of rotten egg to stir you into action!

I'm choosing to not let these boys know they're actually getting to us, that their actions hurt. I'm choosing not to react in ways other than making our environment clean and safe. If I discover where these young boys live I will inform their parents, but that will be my only retaliatory action - unless of course the missiles become dangerous objects; in which case I'll be going to the police.

This is one small aspect of living with difference. It's typical, it's annoying, it can be disheartening; but I choose to remember that it is only a minority of society that chooses to act this way. The rest just let us be. I choose not to define myself based on the ignorant actions of others. I know who I am and it makes me wonder if our attackers are happy with themselves and their lives. Their need to attack others simply for being different from them seem to suggest otherwise.

Regardless

It's simple really. The day I accepted the simplicity of this reality was the day my heart found peace.

I stopped striving and struggling and denying the reality of that truth. I stopped trying to make it not so and rested in the knowledge that it was. Plain and simple.

Despite everything.

In spite of myself.

It's the best part of myself. The part I treasure most of all. The flame that burns and keeps me going. The gentle glow that warms me and assures me that I'm ok, even if circumstances remain the same. Even if this glow is not reciprocated.

The plain and simple truth is that I love you.

Just as you are.

Rollerbaby

After riding an emotional high last night I find today I'm struggling. I'm quiet today; going about my work with solitude and serenity. I'm tired.

Last night we had a Christmas Party and I truly enjoyed it. I didn't have many conversations but the ones I did were interesting and friendly. Most of the time was spent dancing with my kids...and by myself. I just didn't care that sometimes it was just them and me just cutting loose. I loved it, they loved it.

Bit today I'm flat. Hormones have left me drained and depressed and I feel dreadfully alone. Some days I'm tired of just carrying on, especially in the face of someone else's depression.

Why do I always feel as though I've got to be the uplifting one so that the other person doesn't plunge too deep down? Why do I feel as though I have to make the effort? There are days where I wonder who is there for me?

This too, shall pass. Sometimes I find its helpful just writing it down, acknowledging how I feel and emptying myself so that I can process it and keep on going.