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Authenticity (philosophy) - is the degree to which one is true to one's own personality, spirit or character, despite external pressure.
Over the past week I have been thinking a lot about the word authenticity and what I believe it means in regards to being true to the self. I have been thinking a lot about this in response to a blog I read, written by a woman I very much admire as a mother, a woman and a seeker of truth.
This woman has been through things I cannot even bear to think about, and yet in the face of this she chooses to walk in love and gentleness - seeking to respond to the situations she is in, her children, life and people she encounters along her way with love and acceptance. She chooses to blog about her journey and the journey she and her children make each day. Yes, her lifestyle is alternative as she seeks truth for herself and strives towards living authentically, but this makes reading her blog all the more interesting. I am challenged and inspired each time I read her writings and come away with many things to ponder and meditate on in regards to my own life and how I live it. I have met this woman before, albeit briefly, and I found her to be very much as I read her - gentle, full of love and giving.
Each day she works towards being her authentic self and allows her children to live authentically as possible as well. She allows them to choose their own clothes, what they learn about, hairstyles, what they eat, when and how much. She doesn't enforce her own agendas on her children and I know that she has been challenged more than once to remain silent and let them choose for themselves how they wish to present themselves to the world. I find it all wonderfully facinating to watch the process play out.
But, when you reveal some of your life online and have a blog where you write about the process of becoming authentic, living authentic and your lifestyle choices, it inevitably attracts the readers who watch your every move and pounce on anything they deem as contrary to your own philosphies. I cringe in horror as I read comments that reveal judgemental attitudes, criticism and this seeminly insane desire to catch her up when she stumbles. As time has gone on, she has blogged less and less and I wonder if it's due to the fact that each time she does, even though it may be a lovely piece about their latest travels and discoveries, there will be more than one someone who will criticise her for something. More often than not these comments will be insanely petty.
The latest two that saddened me came in the form of criticising her for shaving her legs. The reader deemed that this was not "authentic". The other was a criticism of her referring to herself and her girls as Gypsies.
No. Really?
So what if she chooses to shave her legs!? In my mind she IS being authentic to her real self for doing so! Maybe she likes the feel of shaved legs? Maybe she likes the look of her legs when they are shaved? Whatever the case, she shaves them. This is her choice. If she didn't do so because she thought that hairy legs were the trademark of a hippy gypsy and she should do so because this is what everyone expected of a hippy, regardless of how she truly felt about it, then she would not be authentic to her real self. Instead of bowing to this seemingly relentless pressure, she listens to her inner self. She knows what she likes and doesn't like and responds accordingly. She knows her children intimately and fosters their growth and development in a loving, gentle, non-judgemental way. Who on earth are we the reader for criticising her whatever choices she makes? She makes them after careful reflection and thought. Why should she have to live up to readers expectations?
And why should she have to explain to her readers why she took an overseas trip and left her children in the care of others? None of our business! Yet there are readers who seem to believe it's their right to know why.
Sometimes we as readers seem to think it's our right to appoint ourselves Judge, Jury and Executioner. Trial by Readership....and it's ugly.
So, after pondering these things I have come to the conclusion that being authentic does not have a specific look on the outside. A well groomed woman with immaculate hair, makeup and fashionable attire may be being JUST as authentic to herself as the woman who just lets her hair grow and hang in a messy ponytail, wearing no makeup and wears loose flowing shirts and jeans with bare feet. It's all a case of responding to your own inner values, not anyone elses. That's what being authentic is.
I really hope she keeps blogging. I have learned so much from her. I hope she doesn't bow to the pressure of her readership forcing her into their ideal of authentic living.
