Drifting

I'm feeling like I'm stuck in a holding pattern at the moment. March, April and May are our busiest months of the year due to birthdays and Easter all happening around the same time. Of course this year is also busier as we have a wedding in the middle of April which involves a 1,300km road trip and the planning that goes along with it. Whilst I refuse to use the words crazy, hectic and chaotic to describe this time, I acknowledge that I'm busier than normal. I am busy and am finding it increasingly difficult to practice mindfulness at this time. Instead, I find I am constantly thinking ahead and planning ; eagerly looking forward to quieter times rather than embracing life as it is right now and appreciating that I still have the physical energy to keep up.

I find the mental energy the most exhausting, although I'm glad that I'm experiencing clarity and calm despite everything. Dealing with the stresses of others has been the most exhausting but I have learned to respond rather than react and maintain a calm demeanour which seems to be helpful - especially personally as I find I no longer take things to heart and recover quickly from disappointment. I've accepted things as they are, rather than constantly lose energy over fruitlessly wishing things were different. This in itself has been revolutionary to my own healing.

However, right now I look forward to quieter times and being able to find the space where I can just stop and breathe and listen to the calm direction of my heart. I plan to just sit on the beach and listen to the world around me and feel part of the gentle, unending rhythm of life. I'm looking forward to renewing my energy by taking time out just for me.

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