If I were to join you....

The following came about after passing a place of worship this morning - one that seems pretty active and funky and with it....yet traditional.

It got me thinking about groups...specifically groups and communities I have been part of or are still part of.

If I were to join you

Would you still let me be me?

Would you still love me if I were different to the rest of you…?

…thought differently, acted differently?

Would you make me follow a list of rules – 

what to wear, 

what to read, 

what to listen to, 

what to watch?

and who to love?

Would you embrace my wildness? 

Or would you seek to tame it?

If I was down in the depths of the pit, would you just come and sit with me there for a while and just lend me your comforting presence?

Or would you berate me for my sadness, telling me to simply have faith, to cheer up and keep soldiering on?

If I wished things were different what would you think of me?

If I were living with another out of the boundaries you put around the word “Holy” would you pressure me to make it legal and binding or sanctified?

Or would you embrace the sanctity of the beauty of commitment, devotion and trust that already exists?

Would you love the one that I love even if we were the same?

… love me for loving in ways you don’t understand?

Would you show me love in action, or would you bog me down with doctrine and borders and things that are too lofty to contemplate?

Would I have to join you on a scheduled day at a specific time on a regular basis, or would your doors and arms and heart be open to me whenever my feet brought me to you?

If I didn’t join you…but still needed you…

Would you feed me if I were hungry?

Clothe me if I were naked,

Comfort me if I were bereft?

Could I come to your parties and dance with you?

Have an opinion about things that concern us both?

Or would you only do all these things

or allow me to join in if I met the expectation that I would become one of you?

Started thinking your thoughts?

Talking your talk?

Believing your beliefs?

Could I ask questions that have no answer…ones that make you uncomfortable?

Would you be okay with me objecting?

Interjecting?

Protesting?

Suggesting?

Would you hang in there with me even when you want to put me in the too hard basket?

If I were to join you

Would I still be me?

Who are the people in my neighborhood?

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They're the people that you meet

When you're walkin' down the street.

They're the people that you meet each day.

I feel as though I have two neighborhoods - the one at home and the one at work. I'm beginning to feel fond of both of them in different ways. In some ways I think I know my work neighborhood better. There are familiar faces I see each day and, although I may not know each person by name nor even speak with them, I feel a closeness towards them. I'm a familiar soul. I like consistency and routine. 

Anyway, I thought I'd give you all a run down on "the people that I meet each day" - just for the fun of it.

6am Scooter Guy: You hear him before you see him. I don't know what's with him but he goes along the road on his scooter at a cracking pace and he's yelling. At nothing. I don't know if he's got headphones on and he's yelling away to some screamo lyrics or with Eminem, but every single morning he's out there, scooting up the road and yelling. At 6am. Maybe he has Tourettes? I don't know....but I find him comforting in his familiarity. Maybe one day we will say hello?

Powerwalker/Running Lady: She and I have almost collided a couple of times - especially when it's still dark at 6am and we're both doing our thing around the running track. We both need to remember to wear light coloured clothing so that we both see each other coming! I admire her actually because it's obvious she is really committed to becoming fit and trimming down. I don't know how far she runs but she's doing a great job.

Committed couple: I should really stop and chat to these two as they only live a few houses down from me, so I've discovered. I have a sneaking suspicion that she may experience depression - just from her demeanor and the way she walks. He seems to walk with more of a spring to his step and greets me with a booming "Hello!" or "Good morning!" They've often started off walking hand in hand and then I see him powering on ahead whilst she goes at more of a sedate pace.

New dogs couple: These are a couple of new people who have just started the walking circuit. They've just adopted two adult dogs - one a Rottweiler cross and the other that looks as though he has Rhodesian Ridgeback in there somewhere. They are quite a shy couple although we are just starting to exchange pleasantries. The dogs are simply beautiful - friendly, exuberant dogs. They now see me coming and come bounding over to greet me. I am unafraid as they are lovely animals, despite the fact that they could easily bowl me over in their excitement. They make me want to go to the animal shelter and adopt a big, friendly dog. (I just realised their profile is more about their dogs than them!)

 Dear little older lady: I see her every day on my walk to work after I get off the train. I am unsure if she speaks English but every day we greet each other with a beaming smile and a "Hello". It doesn't matter what time of the day I am walking - she's always there - and I wonder if that's all she does all day. She's there with her red walker, just walking the streets. She has the stooped posture and slow steps of age, but I can tell that she possibly led an active life when she was young. She's small and thin and reminds me of my mother in some way...or what my mother may become when she's 20 years older. 

Homeless Man: He just sits a lot. He sits and smokes and watches the day go by. I don't know if he's also on the turps, but he loves to smoke...too much. He has a horrible cough and often spits up goo onto the street. Still, he greets me with a toothless smile and a, "How are ya today luv?" so I smile back and greet him too. I wonder what his story is?

Tattooed Man: I think he's homeless too....I'm not really sure. He has tattoos all over his face and spends a lot of the day searching through the rubbish bins and on the pavements for any smoke-able cigarette butts. I feel a little afraid of him, but I think this is more to do with his foreboding appearance. He has always smiled at me and greeted me with a happy face so I don't believe I have anything to fear from him. 

Linda the Mail Carrier: Linda comes in to work every day and delivers the mail. She hails from Canada and loves to have a chat. She enjoys reading the Odd Spot on the front of the Age newspaper every day which gives us something else to chat about - and oh how she loves a chat! She calls me "Chickadee". She is always interested in events we have happening and managed to watch all the films shown at The Other Film Festival  after asking the Festival Director if she could borrow them. She sometimes brings me treats from Let Them Eat Cake from just around the corner and loves practicing her Auslan with me. 

Michael the dude from Zappa: Owns the cafe on the corner. He calls everyone "Darling" and "Bella" and speaks Italian to them - "Bonjourno Leisa Bella!"  "Ciao bella!" I don't know if he's actually Italian....but all his staff at the cafe are the same. I think his cafe is very well known because you can sometimes spot celebrities hanging out in there. Michael is always very well dressed and has a well manicured stubble on his chin - designer stubble?

Benji:  Is the local golden labrador who is not for sale but can be found snoozing in the window of his owner's boutique fashion shop. Benji looks friendly but is pretty aloof -as aloof as his owner. I've often greeted him but he's just not interested. Maybe too well trained for my liking? I like my dogs a little rough round the edges.

The Big Issue Seller: I think this guy has paraplegia. I'm not too sure, but he's in his electric wheelchair and hangs around outside Coles. I've bought a Big Issue off him once. I should do so again. He seems well known around Clarendon Street. He's rather a big man...but short too. Not short like me though.

Burnt Butter Ladies: After being a committed "Red Petite" customer I have started getting my coffees from the ladies at Burnt Butter these days. After Win and Ing left the coffee nirvana that was Red Petite it just wasn't the same so I switched to Burnt Butter. They are lovely and friendly in there. I'm yet to find out their names. I'm terrible at asking! Next time. They make delicious coffee and top the cup off with a small piece of biscotti which is sweet and light and very, very delicious. It's worth the extra 20c per cup!

So, there's a snapshot of a few characters from my two neighborhoods. 

Who are the people in your neighborhood?

Dancing Ground Debrief

I took the wonderful opportunity of participating in Dancing Ground over last weekend. Dancing Ground is a not for profit organisation dedicated to promoting community through dance and movement. It is a family-oriented weekend that hosts many different types of workshops for both adults and children alike. You don't have to be a skilled dancer to attend Dancing Ground. You just have to bring a sense of adventure, fun and a positive attitude.

I'd heard about Dancing Ground through Lauren from Sparkling Adventures and it sounded like such fun I thought I'd give it a try. I was both excited at the prospect of participating and nervous about putting myself among a whole group of people I'd never met before. I asked if any of my family wanted to attend with me and thankfully one of my sisters put her hand up so I felt a little more brave.

We arrived at the Gilwell Park Camping Ground on Friday evening and was greeted with a community of colored tents draped with brightly colored bunting..

After registering and receiving our wristbands we drove further into the grounds to find a campsite. Even though the evening was approaching we decided to wait to put up the tent until we had some dinner. And oh what dinner it was! Beautiful, organic vegetarian fare prepared by New Earth Catering. It was delicious! As we were eating we were handed a small, green cord that we were supposed to bring along to the Opening Ceremony. I was hoping we'd be able to get there but we had to erect our tent before it was dark. I met Lauren and two of her lovely daughters - Calista and Delaney. It is so lovely to see someone you've admired for a while in person. I was really taken with the gentle, calm nature of Lauren and the girls. They really are beautiful souls.

Luckily it was still fairly light when we finished and we managed to erect our two-person tent quickly.

(This was taken the next afternoon)

We missed the Opening Ceremony unfortunately, so we never knew what we were supposed to do with the green cords. On reflection, I think Opening Ceremony would have made our introduction to Dancing Ground a lot smoother than it was as it may have fostered a sense of belonging. Instead, we headed up to the dancing space after the 5-Rhythms Workshop had already started and both my sister and I felt a little apprehensive and nervous about joining in. 

Sitting on the outside, looking in; wanting to join in so desperately!

With every fibre of my being I wanted to get over myself and join in. The music was calling me to just set everything aside and just dance with freedom and abandonment...but I felt conspicuous...very aware of my own physicality and difference. But I knew my awareness was with me only. All the other dancers were just entering into the spirit of things, letting their body move naturally to the feel of the music. I just stayed on the other. Miserable with myself.

Would I have joined in if I was on my own? Probably. I felt so self conscious. I also didn't want to leave my sister on the sidelines. Still, there was the promise of the workshops scheduled the next day.

We went to bed but didn't sleep well on the hard ground. Morning arrived and I woke with new determination to participate. I hurried up to the main tent to join in with the Hatha Flow yoga class and was so glad I did. The poses and stretches served to wake me up and promote a sense of calm. I was a little confronted when we had to partner up for a couple of exercises but the guy in front of me just turned around and partnered me without a bat of an eyelid. Again, I felt the sense that it was my own self-consciousness holding me back rather than the reluctance of others not knowing "what to do with me".

As my sister and I were preparing to head in to nearby Gembrook for a sneaky cup of coffee, we walked past the main tent and was attracted by the sound of the West Afro Dance Party Dance workshop with Sackey. It looked like such fun, so we decided we'd join in. I'm so glad we did! You couldn't help but smile the whole way through the 90 minute invigorating workshop. Sackey, the facilitator, brought a whole wealth of cultural experience from Ghana and his passion was evident and infectious. He got our whole bodies moving and the funny thing was that no matter how tired we were getting our bodies just kept wanting to move to the rhythm. We loved every second of it!

After coffee and lunch I participated in the Sound Healing workshop with Dave Holtz. Lauren had spoken about Sound Showers on her blog and so I was keen to investigate this for myself. I found Dave's workshop beautiful and relaxing as the sounds resonated around and through me. I felt myself drifting off a few times which was lovely but for the most part I reflected on my gratefulness for the life I have now and the journey I've taken thus far. 

Contemplating under the trees.

We didn't stay for the rest of the Festival; deciding instead to pack up early and return home. Although I was disappointed I knew I had participated in the workshops I was really interested in and it was the time to exercise unselfishness and compassion. I felt peaceful about leaving. 

I would like to attend Dancing Ground again. I feel as though I have more to learn, more to confront within myself. I learned that I still have a way to travel on this journey towards self acceptance and self love, that I still struggle with being judgmental, that I am still working out who I am and that I struggle with my own physicality rather than actually being judged by others for it. 

I've learned that I am more brave than I realised, fitter than before and that I am still loved wholly by the Creator of the Universe.