31 Days - What I have learned about life so far

In the grand scheme of things, 48 years is not a very long time. It feels like a long time sometimes, although sometimes it feels as though the years have just flittered past and it was only yesterday that I was running down sand dunes with my brothers and sisters without a care in the world, thinking as though life was going to stay like that forever.

So maybe dot points are in order.

• Life is so incredibly short. 
• The most important things in life are not things, but the people in it.
• Age is a nebulous concept.
• Life doesn't always make sense.
• Life is not always fair.
• Good things don't always come to good people, but never give up your goodness for anything. Keep doing good, believing in the good, hoping for good. 
• You can never say "I love you" too many times.
• It's important to be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack. You don't have to get it 100% right 100% of the time. 
• You won't always be treated in the way you want to be treated. 
• It's never too late to start something new or change directions. 
• Most of your learning doesn't happen at school.
• Sleep is the best thing ever invented.

I'm still learning. Life is always changing. I think I'll be learning new things about life until I draw my least breath....and then I'll possibly learn more things!

31 Days - A DIY on something I know nothing about

Ok so I'm behind. Hooray for rescheduling posts.

So this one is supposed to be a DIY on something I know nothing about. I know nothing about a lot of things, but I'm really good at learning stuff about things I know nothing about. I know I've said many times that my life seems to be on this tangent that I get thrown in at the deep end with everything and then simply expected to swim. When I got married I knew nothing about running a home, cooking, creating a budget, how to pay bills. I learned on the fly. I learned by trying. I learned by making mistakes, finding out how not to do something before I stumbled upon actually how to do something.  When I got married I'd never even cooked an entire meal for myself, let alone a husband and a child. So I cooked. Chops, mashed potatoes and vegetables. Nobody got sick and died. Ok, so I can cook.

So, maybe that's what my DIY instructions can be about. How to to life - because, really, I don't quite know how to yet...but I'm working on it. Every day.

HOW TO DO LIFE.

1. Exit the womb in whichever way seems to happen for you.
2. Figure out what noises bring you food, shelter, warmth and loving. 
3. Make some sense out of letters and numbers - enough to enable you to read some things and add or subtract some things.
4. Experiment with the world around you. Find out how things work, how things run, how things are made. Put some things together, pull some things apart.
5. Sometimes just stay still and look at things, listen to things, feel some things.
6. Taste foods, find out what you like, what you don't like.  
7. Treat other people and animals the way you would like to be treated. 
8. Listen to what your heart tells you. It's normally right. 
9. Make lots of mistakes - and never be afraid to make some mistakes. Think about whether or not there are such things as mistakes. Look at them and think about what you have learned. 
10. Remember to be kind to yourself, in all things, at all times. 

The weekend that was

I write this in the relative comfort of my seat on the train after the mad dash of "Oh-shit-I'd-better-run-because-if-I-don't-get-this-one-I'm-gonna-be-late!" And "Oh-damn-WHY-didn't-I-top-up-my-Myki-on-Thursday-night?" Good news is that I both topped up my Myki and caught the train in the nick of time so you can all relax because the story had a happy ending.

I had a fabulous weekend. It was the weekend I've needed for a while. I totally cleared Friday and Saturday of any real responsibilities and ticked off some boxes of things I wanted to get done. 

Friday saw me loading up the car with boxes of books, toys (yes, we still had toys!), appliances we no longer needed and and bags of clothes and taking them down to our local Op Shop that supports the Epilepsy Foundation. Don't you just love the feeling you get after you do that? It's like a cleansing - letting go of excess stuff. I love it. We're all trying to reduce the clutter round these here parts. We've still got a long way to go but I kind of think that any step forward is a positive one. After all that was gone I got into the shed and reorganised the shelves a bit. There's possibly heaps of stuff in there that we could still get rid of but it's a process, right? 

I've been meaning to get my veggie garden sorted out ready for planting winter crops but with everything that's been happening over the past few months the beds have remained empty. It's most definitely on the MUST DO SOON list as I'm really keen to take Rhonda Hetzel's advice and start becoming more self sufficient by planting and harvesting our own vegetables in season. I added some more soil to the beds on Saturday ready for planting next weekend. It will be the Queens Birthday Holiday then and I plan to celebrate by starting to grow things. I'm sure Her Majesty will be pleased. I wonder if she likes pottering in the garden? I've seen her in some pretty full on old lady gardening clobber before. 

Anyhoo! The garden beds are now nice and juicy and ready for some seeds and seedlings to be planted next weekend once I go down to the local Bunnings and get them. 

On Saturday afternoon I laced up my running shoes and took myself for a run down the highway. At first it felt like I'd lost every form of fitness I'd worked so hard at building up and I thought I'd have to call someone to come and pick me up at around the 5k mark. Then I got my second wind as I normally do at the 6k mark and felt amazing. Have I told you before that I love running? Well yeah...I do. 

Honestly, I needed that Friday and Saturday. Life has been just way too full on for my liking lately and I couldn't seem to get motivated for any form of housework, running, training or....anything really! Do you ever get like that? Where you feel as though you're just riding some sort of juggernaut over which you have no control? That's what it felt like for me. Since the X-men Red Carpet gig it's just been go go go so it was nice to just...be. I need that.

Sunday was a completely different story. More on that later.

Burning the candles

Figuratively burning the candle at both ends lately. 

My eldest daughter will be pleased by my use of the word figuratively as opposed to the word literally. Our family has many a conversation about society's overuse of the word literally. 

After the excitement of the past week, changes occurring in each of our lives and four weeks worth of intensive training I seem to have reached a point where I'm dragging my feet. It's no secret I'm exhausted. I have no stores of energy now to complete all of the daily tasks that are now piling up.

I can't remember the last time I got into a made bed. The amount of dust and animal hair about the house could almost make up one small human and one extra animal. Everyone's tired of quickly slapped together meals, toasties or take-away. The search for underwear in the rapidly growing washed-dried-but-not-folded laundry pile is getting annoying, and we could possibly start growing potatoes or some other root vegetable on our dirty floors soon.

It's not pretty. 

I'm trying not to make it matter but it does. By the time I get home at night from my work in the city I'm too tired and grumpy to do anything except eat something and veg out in front of Masterchef, dreaming that someone, anyone would come into my house, wave their magic wand and everything would be clean, uncluttered, put away and I could sit down and eat one of those incredible looking dishes they submit to the Masterchef judges. I'm so jealous. I want Gary, George and Matt's jobs! How cool would that be?

As I interviewed Peter Dinklage and Hugh Jackman on Friday I thought, "I love doing this! I wish I could be paid to do more of this! What do we have to do to make this happen?" Wouldn't it be wonderful working a job where most of the time spent doing it are hours you're enjoying yourself? My niece who loves drawing, cartooning and creating characters, went to the Dreamworks exhibition at ACMI recently and was so inspired by the Dreamworks artists who get to spend their working days dreaming and creating and doing what they love. Not only do they get to do what they love, but they are paid for it. They earn a living from it. I hope my niece is inspired enough to pursue her passion. I hope she gets to live her dream.

What is my dream? What are the things that I'm passionate about and will drive me towards creating a career doing something I love? Sometimes I feel the answer is close but it is elusive. I feel it in the thrill of having a microphone in my hand and a camera beside me. I feel it as I explore my creative side during a movement workshop where I get to explore dance and movement and emotion. I feel it when I write and the words flow onto the page, no longer trapped inside my soul. I feel it when I run in the morning, when it's just me, the road and the air.

There has to be more to life than just survival; living week to week, payday to payday.

I'll find it someday. 

Back to reality

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Up until now I've always hated it when the phrase, "Going back to reality," was used following a short statured people's convention. In my mind it reeked of fantasy; as though we had entered some kind of world where reality didn't exist. I used to say, "But we DO live in the real world wherever we are!" Whether we're with a group of short statured people and their families or whether we're just out there living our lives, doing our thing then wherever we are, that's real life.

And I still subscribe to that. I don't live a fantasy life. I live a real life, warts and all. It's very ordinary. So ordinary in fact that I'd even call it somewhat mundane. Get up, work, go home, eat, sleep, rinse and repeat.

But I'm not so sensitive now about the phrase, "going back to the real world" because everyone uses it. You take a break from your everyday routine and you do something different for a short while. You do it to rest, recharge, break it up a bit, have an adventure, escape, retreat. 

That's what the convention was for me. It was a chance to get away from it all, connect with others, get out of town, see some new faces and places, be encouraged, inspired, challenged. It was everything I was hoping it to be and more. 

I'm now back in the ordinary humdrum of everyday living and it's actually this existence that feels kind of surreal to be honest. I find it hard to believe that a couple of short days ago we were exploring Port Arthur and learning about our colonial history. It's hard to get back into the swing of learning MYOB and checking stationery supplies after that.

In the past, when I was a much younger girl, the end of a convention was heartbreaking. I would sob, not knowing when the next time would be where I'd be reunited with my new friends - if ever! Now it's not so hard. I know that the world today is not so small. I can hop on a plane or a train or in a car and see these people whenever the whim takes me. I can use Skype to call them. There's the instant gratification of staying in touch via email or Facebook. The world has indeed changed.

So now, the vibe of convention can stay the entire year. It is now always a part of reality. 

Who are the people in my neighborhood?

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They're the people that you meet

When you're walkin' down the street.

They're the people that you meet each day.

I feel as though I have two neighborhoods - the one at home and the one at work. I'm beginning to feel fond of both of them in different ways. In some ways I think I know my work neighborhood better. There are familiar faces I see each day and, although I may not know each person by name nor even speak with them, I feel a closeness towards them. I'm a familiar soul. I like consistency and routine. 

Anyway, I thought I'd give you all a run down on "the people that I meet each day" - just for the fun of it.

6am Scooter Guy: You hear him before you see him. I don't know what's with him but he goes along the road on his scooter at a cracking pace and he's yelling. At nothing. I don't know if he's got headphones on and he's yelling away to some screamo lyrics or with Eminem, but every single morning he's out there, scooting up the road and yelling. At 6am. Maybe he has Tourettes? I don't know....but I find him comforting in his familiarity. Maybe one day we will say hello?

Powerwalker/Running Lady: She and I have almost collided a couple of times - especially when it's still dark at 6am and we're both doing our thing around the running track. We both need to remember to wear light coloured clothing so that we both see each other coming! I admire her actually because it's obvious she is really committed to becoming fit and trimming down. I don't know how far she runs but she's doing a great job.

Committed couple: I should really stop and chat to these two as they only live a few houses down from me, so I've discovered. I have a sneaking suspicion that she may experience depression - just from her demeanor and the way she walks. He seems to walk with more of a spring to his step and greets me with a booming "Hello!" or "Good morning!" They've often started off walking hand in hand and then I see him powering on ahead whilst she goes at more of a sedate pace.

New dogs couple: These are a couple of new people who have just started the walking circuit. They've just adopted two adult dogs - one a Rottweiler cross and the other that looks as though he has Rhodesian Ridgeback in there somewhere. They are quite a shy couple although we are just starting to exchange pleasantries. The dogs are simply beautiful - friendly, exuberant dogs. They now see me coming and come bounding over to greet me. I am unafraid as they are lovely animals, despite the fact that they could easily bowl me over in their excitement. They make me want to go to the animal shelter and adopt a big, friendly dog. (I just realised their profile is more about their dogs than them!)

 Dear little older lady: I see her every day on my walk to work after I get off the train. I am unsure if she speaks English but every day we greet each other with a beaming smile and a "Hello". It doesn't matter what time of the day I am walking - she's always there - and I wonder if that's all she does all day. She's there with her red walker, just walking the streets. She has the stooped posture and slow steps of age, but I can tell that she possibly led an active life when she was young. She's small and thin and reminds me of my mother in some way...or what my mother may become when she's 20 years older. 

Homeless Man: He just sits a lot. He sits and smokes and watches the day go by. I don't know if he's also on the turps, but he loves to smoke...too much. He has a horrible cough and often spits up goo onto the street. Still, he greets me with a toothless smile and a, "How are ya today luv?" so I smile back and greet him too. I wonder what his story is?

Tattooed Man: I think he's homeless too....I'm not really sure. He has tattoos all over his face and spends a lot of the day searching through the rubbish bins and on the pavements for any smoke-able cigarette butts. I feel a little afraid of him, but I think this is more to do with his foreboding appearance. He has always smiled at me and greeted me with a happy face so I don't believe I have anything to fear from him. 

Linda the Mail Carrier: Linda comes in to work every day and delivers the mail. She hails from Canada and loves to have a chat. She enjoys reading the Odd Spot on the front of the Age newspaper every day which gives us something else to chat about - and oh how she loves a chat! She calls me "Chickadee". She is always interested in events we have happening and managed to watch all the films shown at The Other Film Festival  after asking the Festival Director if she could borrow them. She sometimes brings me treats from Let Them Eat Cake from just around the corner and loves practicing her Auslan with me. 

Michael the dude from Zappa: Owns the cafe on the corner. He calls everyone "Darling" and "Bella" and speaks Italian to them - "Bonjourno Leisa Bella!"  "Ciao bella!" I don't know if he's actually Italian....but all his staff at the cafe are the same. I think his cafe is very well known because you can sometimes spot celebrities hanging out in there. Michael is always very well dressed and has a well manicured stubble on his chin - designer stubble?

Benji:  Is the local golden labrador who is not for sale but can be found snoozing in the window of his owner's boutique fashion shop. Benji looks friendly but is pretty aloof -as aloof as his owner. I've often greeted him but he's just not interested. Maybe too well trained for my liking? I like my dogs a little rough round the edges.

The Big Issue Seller: I think this guy has paraplegia. I'm not too sure, but he's in his electric wheelchair and hangs around outside Coles. I've bought a Big Issue off him once. I should do so again. He seems well known around Clarendon Street. He's rather a big man...but short too. Not short like me though.

Burnt Butter Ladies: After being a committed "Red Petite" customer I have started getting my coffees from the ladies at Burnt Butter these days. After Win and Ing left the coffee nirvana that was Red Petite it just wasn't the same so I switched to Burnt Butter. They are lovely and friendly in there. I'm yet to find out their names. I'm terrible at asking! Next time. They make delicious coffee and top the cup off with a small piece of biscotti which is sweet and light and very, very delicious. It's worth the extra 20c per cup!

So, there's a snapshot of a few characters from my two neighborhoods. 

Who are the people in your neighborhood?

Your place, my place, our place

We've spent the past week up in Port Macquarie, NSW attending the wedding of a daughter of a friend. Yes, we're now attending the weddings of children of our friends. This makes me very aware of the unstoppable passage of time.

Port Macquarie holds the story of our beginnings. It's where we fell in love during what seemed to be an endless summer. All the time I was there I heard the whispers of our secrets on the wind. I saw our footprints in my footprints on the sand. I remembered the echoes of our laughter, the joy of our reunions, feeling like we were invincible, alive, infinite.

We became a family up there. Our children know it as their other home. They too have stories and shared memories. We have friends up there close enough to be family; who love us, laugh with us, mourn for us.

It belongs to him, but because of that my heart beats there too. It holds the secrets of his beginnings and because of that my footsteps there are made with respect. It brought him to me and I will always be grateful for that.

His place became our place and so it holds a special place in my heart.

From my morning run.

Waves on Lighthouse Beach.

Camel rides anyone?

Tim at Town Beach

Georgia and I on our way home.

The gang at Olivia & Nathan's wedding. From left: Chloe, Georgia, Tim, Sarah.