Being inspirational/encouraging/heroic - take your pick.

Image source

I find living on the fringes of the disabled community confusing.

There seems to be so many rules to navigate, political correctness to adhere to. Some are fine with "this" wording, some are not. Some believe it's good to see the person and not the disability, some seem to want their disability to be seen right out there loud and proud. Fundraising for the disabled can be seen as good, but on the other hand some see it as condescending and a message that the disabled need to be helped to get by. Like me as the person I am but for God's sake, don't call me inspirational because that's condescending...apparently.

See what I mean?  If I'm confused and I'm kind of "in the club" I imagine that the "non-disabled" would be walking around on eggshells constantly. I imagine the internal questions would run as follows:

"Do I look at them or not?"
"Is it okay to ask them about their disability or not?"
"Do I offer help?"
"Is it okay to tell them that they inspire me or will that offend?"

Apparently, to some, it does offend and I am at a loss to work out why.

When someone tells me that I inspire them I am touched and humbled. Humbled because, on the surface, I don't feel as though I am doing anything great to warrant such esteem. I carry on a regular life, work a job, pay my bills and taxes, love my kids, get annoyed with my kids, do my shopping, drive my car. I work on my physical fitness, I try and better myself through reading and introspective soul searching. Nothing more than any human being would do on a regular basis.

But maybe these kind people see what I choose not to - and note that I said CHOOSE not to, for to dwell too much on these things would possibly send me down to a place I don't want to go. I'll admit that. Our specialist once told me that one child with a difference/disability/medical problem in a family puts an extraordinary amount of pressure on a parent and within the family. Multiply that by four and you have super-extraordinary  pressure. I never wanted to look at that. I never wanted to admit that, for fear that I would give my amazing children the message that it was all too much - and it was NEVER too much because my whole attitude has been that I must be strong enough to be their parent because otherwise this challenge would not have been appointed to me.

But it is a super-extraordinary amount of pressure, and work to be done, and hurdles to get over...and we do. Together. And maybe that's what people see and are inspired by it. And we do it despite and in spite of what gets thrown our way. Yes there are times where getting out of the car and entering a crowded shopping mall is a challenge. But what's the alternative? Think about it for a minute.... What's the alternative? Sit at home and watch DVD's all day? Hide away and not get out and about? Online shopping?

Stuff that.

So we face the challenge and we get out there and participate in life. I lift motorized scooters into the boot of my car, I carry people across sand so they can enjoy a day at the beach, we hang heavy shopping bags on the back of wheelchairs, we put up with rude people on occasion......actually more than on occasion. We put ourselves out there because life is ours and it is there to be enjoyed - every single wonderful second of it.

And while we're putting ourselves out there we are also "inspiring" people - and that's a good thing. A really good thing. "You inspire me" is not a dirty phrase in my book. If we have encouraged others to get out there and live your life just by the fact that we get out there among "you all" and live our ordinary lives then I am happy. Deliriously so.

So, contrary to the political correctness that seems so important with "my mob", I'm not going to jump down your throat and accuse you of being "so condescending". I'll probably thank you....and go away and feel inspired by you, knowing that the world really is made up of mostly nice people who just let us get out there and be ordinary.

Loving conflict

I grew up in a home where we didn't see conflict between our parents. I never saw or heard heated discussions or disagreements or fights. I remember feeling the undercurrents of tension, I remember silences that scared me more than yelling. I remember a hissed, "You make me sick!" which scared the beejebus out of me at the age of nine. I remember Mum putting a dint put in the car and Dad yelling about it. But open conflict and then the road to resolution? Never.

Whilst you would think this would make for reasonably peaceful living and a harmonious outcome, it also had a detrimental effect. My siblings and I don't seem to know how to successfully undertake confrontation and conflict resolution within the context of family. It's "niceness at all costs", "don't rock the boat", "don't get involved." We skirt around issues, we put up with unacceptable behaviour, we stand by and watch the ones we love become mere shadows of the vibrant spirits they once were - all in the name of keeping the peace.

Whilst I don't advocate all out yelling and screaming and arguing in front of your children, sometimes I can't help but wonder if allowing your children to be witness to minor arguments and disagreements isn't a good thing? Conflict in good, strong, stable relationships can often serve as a means through which relationships are tested, ideas are shared, solutions can be found and the relationship strengthened. Isn't it better for a child to learn how to successfully navigate confrontation, conflict, compromise and resolution from the two people who are supposed to love each other most? Wouldn't it be okay for a child to know that their Mum and Dad can disagree and argue sometimes but it's okay because they love and respect each other enough to work it out and *this* is how they did it?

I never saw that. I never learned how to do that...and so when injustice or negative experiences happen in my adult life I simply do not know how to navigate it. How do I approach people with my concerns? Do I even involve myself? Is it any of my business in the first place or is it the conflict/issue of someone else that they need to address without my interference? How do I navigate being put in my place if my insights aren't welcomed? How do I receive the criticisms and "negative" feedback from others? Do I immediately fly to my own defense or do I listen, go away and think and then learn from their insights? How does one learn how to do these types of things and explore these issues when one was never taught or given an example?

I long for more authentic and honest relationships but my inability or reluctance to engage in honest and loving confrontation and conflict seems to hinder that. My relationships seem to linger on the surface and I allow them to dissolve when the tension of remaining nice at all costs is a burden that becomes too heavy.

Maybe it's time just to bite the bullet and try? Maybe it's time to be brave? Maybe this period of learning to know myself, accept myself and love myself has given me the strength to start doing what I know to be right?

I'm about to find out. Wish me luck!

Ground to a halt.

Well I was going great guns on the quilt. My sleep cycles may have been suffering and I was kind of losing touch with reality but hey, the quilt was being done. Who cared if dinner was a hastily put together mish mash of whatever we could find in the pantry, or that the amount of snipped cotton on the floor equalled the dog hair that was tumbling through on the breeze like a tumbleweed through the western plains? The quilt was being done! I was on a roll! I was ACTUALLY going to finish a quilt project - and a double bed sized quilt at that!

Until this happened...and sad to say that the quilt has had to be exiled to a plastic roller box until such time that I find a repair person to put the sewing machine back together again.

Roar!!!!!

The bobbin housing has come apart! 

And so the quilt is boxed up, waiting to be finished. I hope it doesn't take too long and be delegated to the Black Hole of Unfinished Business! 

Quilt progress

My rotary cutter is getting a workout. I think it needs a new blade actually.

Here are the squares I have cut to date. I still have 36 more coloured squares to cut, 120 plain calico squares and about 125 padding squares. Definitely the most boring part of the whole process by far!

I've only set it all out on the floor here to see what colours I need to add in. The left side looks pretty balanced but I feel the right side needs more reds, bright greens and brighter blues. Lets see what I have in my stash.

I'm so looking forward to seeing this finished. I better get a wriggle on. It's a birthday present! Ssssshhh!!!

Our days

With letting go of old thoughts and ideals and expectations I've found that our life here has become more peaceful and easygoing.
My days, apart from the days where I'm at work, are no longer scheduled with "have-tos". Oh of course there are appointments to be gone to and responsibilities that must be taken care of but these are undertaken with a sense of peace and purpose, rather than out of obligation.

The running of the house now seems to just flow. People contribute cheerfully and willingly to what needs to be done and although things may not be done to the standard I would complete them, I accept any contribution to the running of the house happily and with thanks, appreciating the effort given in love rather than judging the outcome.

The days I spend at home are so peaceful and fulfilling. I've now settled into just "being". Household tasks are done with a minimum of fuss and I find I concentrate more on other fulfilling things such as working on the quilt, or writing, or reading. The kids and I spend more time "just being" lately - chatting about things, enjoying a movie, discussing hopes and dreams and plans, talking about books we've read. Sometimes we play a board or card game - last night it was Skip-bo. The most interesting conversation arose whilst playing - conversations about people's perceptions of disability, judgements people make and how to respond appropriately and with love towards those who are ignorant. I revel in these times we have together and I feel us all becoming closer as a family and healing from some of the wounds from the past.

Yes, letting go of old things has been healing. Letting go of preconceived ideas and judgements, expectations and ways of thinking has been freeing. Choosing happiness each day has been the best choice to make.

The year of the scrap

Over the past week I've been working on a Fringed Quilt, made up of a myriad of fabrics I've had stashed away in my cupboard doing absolutely nothing for maybe 10 years. This quilt is my attempt at starting to reduce the amount of stuff I have laying around and either turning it into something useful or beautiful or giving it away.

I've been inspired by the quilt my mother and father have on their bed. Before they started out on their travels around Australia they decided to reduce the number of possessions they had, due to the fact they were selling the house, and moving into a Motor Home. Mum, like me, had a lot of fabrics she had accumulated so she decided to put them all together into this beautiful creation that traveled around the country with them and now lays resting on their bed in their new seaside home.

Inspired by Mums quilt I have decided to do the same. Apart from the fact that I have to cut 225 squares of feature fabrics, 225 squares of backing fabric and 225 squares of padding, I am enjoying the process. It's fun watching it all come together.

The scrappy fringed quilt on my parent's bed. This is my inspiration.

New fabrics to add in.

Cutting....cutting....and MORE cutting!

The pile of quilt "sandwiches" is ever-growing!

The kitchen table has been taken over by all things crafty!

2013 - One Word

Simplicity.

This is my theme word for 2013.

I don't know when this word started to resonate with me. I think it came slowly throughout last year as I pledged to adhere to my 2012 theme word - Kindness. Kindness came in the form of being kind to myself - body, soul and spirit. I nurtured myself holistically and in turn felt kindness flowing out to others and the world around me. My mind became less cluttered with chaotic thoughts, my body felt cleansed from eating good, nutritious food and strong through regular exercise.

I found that the simple things in life meant the most to me - spending time with my beautiful family, walking in the fresh air, a good book, hand made things, second hand things, open spaces, calm spaces, music....and silence. Christmas was a very simple affair with small gifts and a simple feast at my sisters place, shared amongst family.

So it just naturally came to me that 2013 needed to be a year of simplicity.

* I intend pursuing things that promote a sense of peace within and without, unity with those I love the most.

* I want to be fully present in each moment, enjoying them for what they are; not mourning the past or thinking about the future but just being.

* I will spend more meaningful time with my children, learning more about them as the adults they are and still exploring the world around us together.

* I plan to declutter my home, going through all my possessions and things and donating them to support agencies so that others may benefit from them.

* I intend living simply and sensibly by asking myself if what I purchase is really needed. Can I live without it? Can I obtain it second hand?

* I want to eat as organically and as simply as possible; nurturing my body and those of my family with good, nutritious, wholesome food.

* I would like to nurture my creative side by making things with my hands - sewing, quilting, knitting, crocheting, painting, cooking, baking. I'd like to bless others with things I make, pouring love into the gift I make.

I'm excited to be in 2013. I feel that I have journeyed a long way from the person I once was. Every step of the journey to this point has been worth it. Every. Single. Step. I've stopped judging life and experiences and things as good or bad. The just ARE. They are all just life experiences that we can learn from if we choose to. I'm choosing to, and honestly I have been more peaceful ever since I decided to make that choice.

Happy 2013 everyone.