I've just spent a weekend standing on the outside looking in.
Once I thought I belonged in there. I would have been seated somewhere in the second row perhaps, looking on, smiling. I would have felt the hand of a special someone squeezing my hand as we both heard similar words to what we once said, and we would have both remembered and smiled, and wished the happy couple all the very best wishes for their life together.
But last weekend, only two days ago in fact, I assisted my family to their seats and quietly slipped to the back...way back. Possibly further away than anybody there. I saw the bride arrive, and she was simply glowing...the most beautiful I have ever seen her. She was radiant, full of hope and love for this man who wants to spend the rest of their lives together. I couldn't have been happier for her. I have never seen her so calm, so assured. It was like she was coming home.
She was coming home....
After this weekend I've never felt so homeless. I felt so awkward, so superfluous. I just slipped to the back and waited until the time I might have been needed again. I wasn't.
So when it was all over I kissed the bride, told her she was beautiful and gave her all my very best wishes.
I wished more than anything that I belonged, but I didn't...and don't...and I'm blown away by how much it matters. I got back home last night and the feeling of being homeless has persisted.
Where do I belong?
So mny hugs.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure why you didn't feel like you belonged, but I hope your own family make you feel less homeless, so loved, & like you know your place in life :)
xx