31 Days - The lie that I got away with (or didn't)

Throughout the month of May I will be taking on the 31 Days of Confessions Challenge. I will be blogging every day about a different subject or question. You'll possibly get to know a lot about me!

Enjoy!

I had to really think about this prompt. I'm a terrible liar.

"I cannot lie! I chopped down the cherry tree!"

I think saying that I was fine when I really wasn't has been the biggest lie I got away with - or didn't. I would tell everyone I was fine. I would tell the Professor this every time my children and I would visit him en masse. After reviewing all the kids, talking about their development, discussing potential surgeries and any concerns we had he would ask me, "And how are you doing Leisa?"

And I would answer, "Yeah, good. I'm fine!"

Till that one day when I made an appointment to see the Professor on my own.

I was not fine. I wasn't even close to being fine - and I told him so. I was a living, breathing, tangled mess of stress and worry, anxiety and depression. I was under that much stress that my mind couldn't take it anymore and I was pretty much losing my sh*t slowly and surely. The Professor was so relieved. He told me that up until that point I had seemed unreal, unreachable and untouchable and no one knew how to help. Now that I had reached out they could help.

I had a couple of years there where everything I had ever trusted in, hoped for and believed in was being slowly eroded and my automatic response of, "I'm fine!" no longer cut it. I had been living a lie. I was not fine...and I wasn't getting away with that lie anymore.

I'm glad I didn't get away with it though. The exposure of that lie did me and everyone else in my world some favours. It revealed the real me and I learned that it's ok to be exposed and vulnerable. It enabled people to get close to me, come alongside me and support me. Exposing that lie meant that I became softer, more understanding. I became a better mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend because I allowed people in.