Grateful Saturday - guidebooks and generosity

I have been reading several bloggers Grateful Saturday posts for quite a few months now and have wanted to join in ever since I started reading. Finally I am getting off my butt (or should that read sitting ON my butt?) and committing to making this post my first grateful post and planning that there will be many, many more.

This Saturday I am grateful for many, many things but wanted just to pick out two that have really meant a lot to me this week.

1. Guidebooks.

I'm not talking street maps here, or instructions about how to operate your iPhone, laptop or flat screen TV. I'm grateful for books written by people who have found techniques or journeys or belief systems that have helped them in their journey through life.

At the moment I am reading Eat Pray Love for the second time. It's helping me. A lot. I can identify with so many aspects of Liz Gilbert's life...especially the searching bit.

It's been a very interesting experience for me, having grown up in Pentecostal church all my life with the belief that "this" was THE ultimate and only truth and being warned to shy away from anything that suggests otherwise. For the majority of my life I have been very reluctant to read anything that was, in my mind, too "New Age, thinking that I had just hopped on a one way road to hell if I did. With the passage of time, maturity, therapy, counselling and a mind a little more open to other things, I have found that reading new things and opening my mind to other possibilities has pointed me in a new direction. I have a new found faith in the God I always believed existed but was too scared by trying to "keep to the rules" to get to know Him. I read ideas from other schools of thought with a real "wheat and chaff" approach - looking for the kernels of wisdom and truth and shelving anything that doesn't sit right with me.

Since taking this road, I have never felt so loved, so safe, so assured of my path. I feel His love within me. I am less judgemental, more accepting and filled with more peace than I've ever felt before. My faith doesn't look anything like what my upbringing would have told me was acceptable (and I am getting pressures from outside influences to "keep to the rules") but I know that this path is the right one for now.

So.....I am grateful to those searchers who have been brave enough to explore their own paths and write about their experiences on that journey.

2. Generosity

This week I have been the recipient of the incredible generosity of my (ex) Mother-in-Law. Due to declining physical ability she came to the decision last weekend that it was no longer safe for her to continue driving. It was a tough and emotional decision, but she knew it was time. As a result, she GAVE her cute little Mitsubishi Lancer to ME!

I do already have a car - a huge Ford Falcon with a large space in the back to be able to transport a motorised wheelchair. (it's an ex-taxi) It's been a God-send to our family and has allowed us to take out daughter's wheelchairs wherever we go so that they are able to be independent. But let's face it,, it's a BIG car, it's in no way girly and has been cumbersome to drive. I've always dreamed of a small car to drive around when I don't have to transport wheelchairs. Now I have one. It's gorgeous, it purrs like a kitten, it's light on the steering, it's zippy. My son will also learn to drive in it.

My MIL hasn't asked for any payment for it. I will just pay for the transfer of registration. That's all. I am eternally grateful for her generous heart, even though I am no longer with her eldest son. She wishes to remain friends as we have always been. I hope to be able to continue blessing her as well.

Joining in with the gratefulness over at Lemon Rhodes.

Answers

I got a couple of really good questions after my last post so I thought it was high time I answered them.

Offensive questions- what are they?

You know, I can tell the difference between an innocent, genuine question asked with a sincere desire to learn and understand and a question from a person who is being an ignoramus and poses the question to be totally inappropriate and rude. Of course, there is terminology and phrases I would rather not hear (such as the "M" word) however sometimes the m-word is used by someone who genuinely thinks that is the correct term. (and I will reiterate, the m-word is an offensive term in most circumstances) When that happens I simply tell the person the words most prefered and why. Most people genuinely are interested and want to know and be educated.

There is also the difference between a second glance and people looking because they are curious and have never seen a person with dwarfism, and those who simply ogle, grab the person next to them and point at me and think I'm there for their entertainment. I understand I look different. I understand people are going to look, but I do know the difference between polite curiosity and those who are just....well, rude.

It's ok for children to look. I understand they are also going to comment and ask questions. Children are like that, especially little ones who haven't yet developed the filter between what their eyes see, what their mind thinks and what their mouth says. I try and smile and say hello to children. I do hate it when parents in their embarrassment will hurry their children away, tell them not to be so rude or, in some instances, smack them for looking at me. It makes difference and disability into something shameful and never to be discussed. I have often told parents it's ok, that I understand and I'm ok about answering their children's questions. I've had lovely parents who have approached me bravely and asked me what is the right thing to tell their children. I want to hug parents like that! Awesome!

Having said all the above though, I should really say that this is how I feel about it all. (most days anyway) Naturally there are days where I couldn't be bothered dealing with it all and wish I could just walk down the street in relative anonymity like the majority of the human race can. Do you have any idea what a gift being able to blend just like everyone else is??? Enjoy it!

There may be some people of short stature that don't have the same outlook as I do. I have a friend who is average sized and she has a 23 year old daughter who is short statured. Neither of them can tolerate ANY kind of negative attention. A second glance, an innocent question from a child, blatant staring is just so hard for them to handle and both of them go through life angry and ready to lash out any time it happens. I find it hard to watch. Despite me trying to encourage them to think another way about it all, they continue with their anger at the world, which is incredibly sad.

Do I have any special powers as an X-woman?

I LOVE this light hearted question! It made me think!

YES! I have the amazing ability to fit in small spaces, curl up in a small space to sleep, play on children's play equipment with them and get cheaper clothing because I am in childrens sizes! Ha ha!

Seriously though, I think all people with my condition have (if they are given the opportunity to develop it without people stepping in and constantly helping them) an amazing ability to be resourceful and problem solve. This is where average statured parents of short statured children need to take a step back and not anticipate problems or help a child or adult with short stature if it looks like they might not be able to do something. I seem to have been born with this ability to be able to work out how to do something if, at first glance, it may seem as though I can't.

I have used telephone books as an extra step, pulled out drawers in a cabinet to create a step-ladder, used pens to reach light switches and lift buttons, coathangers in shops to hook around another piece of clothing hung up too high for me to reach, a lanyard to lasso over a door handle that's too high, a shovel as a lever to lift something too heavy, towels under the fridge to make it easier to shift on my own. There's always a way to do something. It may not be conventional, but I'll work something out.

So, there you have it! Feel free to ask more. I will get back to writing about normal, every day stuff soon and may have the odd thing here and there where I post some perspectives from the lower level, but for the most part it will be business as usual.

OH! Before I go.....KUDOS TO PETER DINKLAGE FOR WINNING AN EMMY!!! Oh. My. Goodness! How excited was I? FINALLY, a short statured person recognised for their incredible talent! I must admit to crying when he won. Now for Australia to move beyond the thinking that dwarf actors need to be a "character" like an elf or a fantasy creature, or an object to be laughed at. My desire is to see a short statured actor on something like Home & Away or Neighbours (not that I like those shows) as just another person in Summer Bay or Ramsay Street. I'd love to see them in the background and then slowly introduced as just another person with a regular life that contributes to the plot in some way. There may be a few episodes where normal issues regarding their short stature come to the forefront, but for the most part they are just part of the cast. I would love to see that. Hopefully the recognition of the talent of Peter Dinklage (and by the way, I personally know the guy who played his stunt double in "I Love You Too") will be the beginnings of the realisation of that dream.

Mr Peter Dinklage. He looks uncannily like my son actually!

'Fessing up for freedom

Ok. So I've decided to get a bit bold and 'fess up on my profile information about myself. If you haven't looked at it, please do because it's the intro to this 'fessing up post. I want to 'fess up so that I can be a little more free with the photos I post and the things I write. Even though I am writing this I must admit to being nervous doing so. Very.

I'll preface this by saying that I am giving you all the Readers Digest version about me. Short, sharp and to the point. I think my reason for doing it is twofold.

1. So as not to bore you with too many details; and
2. Because I have written this stuff countless times before and have learned to condense it well.

If you would like to know more, please have a look at our support group's webpage.
So! *deep breath* here are the facts.


I was born with achondroplasia, the most common form of dwarfism. My parents are both average sized. Noticed I used the word "average" sized. Not normal, not tall - average.  As with most people like me, there was no history of dwarfism in my family at all. It happened as a random mutation of a gene – so I am a mutant, an X-Man (or woman in this case.)  I am the eldest child of my parents. They went on and had two boys and four other girls after me – all average height. No achondroplasia occured after me. It was always going to be that way. None of my siblings were going to carry the gene – you can’t carry the gene unless you are actually born with achondroplasia.

So there you are folks. Genetics 101.



My two little brothers and I. The fact that I was older than them but they were taller than me hadn't registered with me at this age. Mum says that it was totally obvious who was the boss! :)



The only thing that disturbs me about this family photo of all of us is the 70's fashion! (taken late 1980)



I have had a good life – surrounded by love and acceptance by my family, brought up doing everything anyone else did. I went to a regular school, learned to drive, got a job, got married to a man with another form of dwarfism, had babies – just generally had a life. Pretty boring huh? The only difference between me and everyone else is that I am doing everything at a height of just under 4ft. It confuses me that people find this curious, amazing, confusing and, at times hilarious. People can be lovely and then there are the minority that can be downright horrible. Unfortunately sometimes you tend to pay more attention to the ones who bring you down and are horrible to you sometimes. I need to constantly remind myself that there are more good people than bad, more who are friends than enemies, so that I don’t get too despondent and want to hide away in my house away from it all.

I am happy. I am healthy. I jog every morning. I have no medical problems associated with my condition. My happy and healthy upbringing formed the basis of my decision to have children. All of my babies were born via c-section at around 38 weeks gestation due to the fact that I have a very small pelvis. (although you wouldn't think so!) I had healthy, trouble-free pregnancies. My children all have dwarfism as well. I wish I could report that they haven't had any issues asssociated with their conditions, but this is not so. We know the Children's Hospital intimately. I have given my children over to the hands of surgeons and anaesthetists many, many times. It's not over yet.

I am immensely proud of my children. They have such courage, such gentle, warm, tender hearts. All of them have an independent outlook and are making their own way through life. I love them more than my own breath.

I am also the proud aunty of 12 neices and nephews. They and I have had this “thing” about recording the day we discover they have grown taller than me. It's a momentus day. Earlier this year the youngest one grew taller than me and we photographed it for posterity.

Toots - aged 5 - and Aunty Leisa. A proud moment!

So there you are. That's me. I'm out there now.



I love questions. I really do. I am a firm believer in the idea that there is no such thing as a stupid question. If you have a question, please ask. Anything. I’m happy to answer.



Shawty got low, low, low, low

Not such a good day.

I’d like to believe that mankind is essentially good and accepting of difference. Maybe most people are. I don’t know. On days like this though I find it very hard to believe. I also find it hard to believe that people can be so ignorant and rude.

Today I pulled up at a petrol station to get gas. I parked next to a van…actually I think the van pulled up after me. Anyway I was standing there filling up my car and I noticed the woman from the car next to me actually returning to her car, alerting her children of my presence and then proceeding to sit in the car with the aforementioned children and laugh at me with them.

I’d like to tell you that I ignored them in a dignified manner. I’d like to tell you that I completed filling my car with gas, paid for it and drove out of there with my dignity intact. I’d like to tell you that, but I can’t because that’s not what happened.

I looked at that woman straight in the eye and, in front of her children, I flipped her the bird. Yes, I sunk that low.

You know, if it hadve been just the children I would have just let it slide. Kids do that stuff. They’re kids. But to be encouraged in that behavior by their parent – the one who is supposed to lead by example – I just saw red.

I’m ashamed of myself that I sank that low. It kind of set the tone of the day for me unfortunately.

Wordless Wednesday

Sometimes you don't need mouth words to communicate.

Brave

I have to admit to feeling not so brave today.

She felt as though she'd wandered off the path just a bit.....

I know this is only a temporary setback.

Always in the kitchen at parties

For some reason, I always have this sudden urge to bake when my kitchen benchtop looks like this:

Yes! Straight after doing the grocery shopping and whilst people are still having breakfast. I have a house full of young adults and teens, therefore breakfast is usually still being eaten at 11am on weekends. Who cares if Mum's been up since 6:30am, gone for a jog, had a shower, done the laundry and bought groceries? Their day is just beginning!

(secretly though, I do love it. I had them all home for the weekend, including my daughter who is away at Uni. It was great being able to feed her up!)

Anyway, I did manage to clean up the bench and spent the most part of the day baking yummies like this!

Raspberry, White Chocolate and Macadamia Muffins.

I also made Carrot Cupcakes, Apricot and Coconut Slice, a Cornish Pasty, Chilli Concarne and three dozen sausage rolls.

I love having everyone home. Maybe it's got something to do with feeling all "Mumsy". I guess this is why I cooked and baked up a storm this weekend. It goes along with being Mum. I froze some of what I had cooked and baked and packed it into a cooler bag for my daughter to take back to Uni with her. She's discovered the financial pressures of paying rent and utilities this year and is now living the life of an impoverished student with $25 to last her for two weeks. She'll manage. I think she kind of enjoys the challenge actually.

So that's what happened at our place this weekend. Lots of love, lots of cooking and baking and a game of Skip-Bo whilst watching Sucker Punch thrown in for good measure. How was your weekend?