Let's hear it for SSRI's!

I think taking control of my mental health is one of the most sensible decisions I've made all year.

I guess there's still a stigma attached to antidepressants. Maybe people see it as admitting defeat, that you're too weak to cope on your own, that you really are seriously losing the plot. I didn't *really* want to take them. My prior experiences of them weren't really the most positive. I felt like a bit of a zombie, looking at life around me through a glass box. I felt neither happy nor sad, excited nor down. I just felt...nothing. Just this disinterested observation of life around me; just going through the motions like an automaton. The only thing I could feel was a soaring libido which was annoying more than anything.

I didn't want that again, especially this time when I was about to embark on a ten week Art program for people who experienced anxiety and depression. I wanted to be able to tap into emotion and draw on it to be able to produce good art. I didn't want my art to be a reflection of disinterested observation.

But I knew I needed something to help me undertake some necessary changes in my life. Mental health is just as important as physical wellness. Let's face it, if you presented to a doctor with a broken leg the doctor wouldn't just say, "Cheer up! Things will get better! Just keep going and your leg will get better eventually!" No! You'd be treated, your leg set and encased in a cast and you'd be given a pair of crutches to help you get around until your leg totally healed. Perhaps you'd even be sent off to a physiotherapist to help with the healing.

So why do we think that when we have a broken heart, or broken emotions and an overwhelmed mind we should just carry on? We shouldn't! For me, I knew that I was on the right road, but with my current mental circumstances I was easily going to get overwhelmed and just keep traipsing around in the wilderness, never fully healing, never getting anywhere. So I went to my doctor and I told her where I was at, told her all the practical things I was doing to help myself heal, explained how I felt on the last course of antidepressants, and together we formulated a plan to help me on the road to holistic health.

This time I've been dedicated to it. I've stayed consistent with my medication, my exercise plan, my diet and building relationships. The medication has helped me balance everything. I'm not a zombie looking through a plate of glass. I can feel all emotion but it doesn't overwhelm me like before. I can plan and think logically. I still tear up at touching, emotional scenes in movies and at beautiful, joyous moments in my own life. I feel more like ME - and I like it.

So, that's the reason why Lexapro is my friend right now and one of the most sensible things I've done for myself this year. I hope one day I'll be healed enough to be weaned off it but for now it's part of my daily routine. I like the way it's helped me through an incredibly trying year. I like the way it's helped me give myself a break and enabled me to learn that I am ok just as I am.