Seeds of ideas

This weekend was faster than a speeding bullet. Honestly. Maybe this was because I worked for half a day on Friday and by the time I got home it was after 3:30. My weekend usually starts on Thursdays these days. At the moment I love the fact that I usually work three days and am off for four. It makes things so much more easy to cope with.


Well, I think I have the final word on Bessie. With all the repairs and rebulding that needs to be done she's going to cost me a good $5,500. I don't want to spend that on an old car that's done about 850,000k's. I want to put that money towards a little car that's going to get me around. Jimmy at the garage handed me a list as long as my arm of things that need doing to the car and then said he'd keep it there over the weekend while I decided. It wasn't driveable anyway. So, after trudging all the way there in the rain (I went there straight from the train station) I trudged all the way home again. In the rain. I was freezing by the time I got home. This walking everywhere really sucks in the winter. Especially in Melbourne.


So now I have a month to find myself a new vehicle. J and I have agreed to a cut off date as to when he will stop coming to my place early in the morning to take G to school. It is a reasonable request and I have agreed to it. He comes out of his way to do it and has been most helpful whilst I've been carless, but he can't do it forever. I understand that. I'm going to have a look at a few local car yards this week and see what's on offer, see what they'll give me as a trade-in and what I can afford. I've never bought a car on my own before so this is a whole new world to me...and I'm kind of a little excited about it.


On Saturday I went with a group of my Kaleidoscope friends to paint a nine-panel group painting for a women's conference that my friend Michelle was speaking at. We (the artists) didn't know what the end piece was going to look like, but we were given a canvas already marked out, as well as the paints we were to use so the chances of success were really high. I was as nervous as heck to start off with. I'd never done this kind of thing before and I'm a relatively new artist so I was scared of stuffing it up. (It’s got to be RIGHT and it's got to be PERFECT!) We had to paint our panel within the space of a song.


As soon as the music started I began to relax. I think the title of the song did it for me - What Have You Got to Lose - by Third Day. What did I have to lose? Nothing. Why was I so afraid? There was no reason. So I painted. And in the end we put our pieces together...

My piece is the top left hand corner. As you can see, I envisaged the light coming from the right. *shrugs*
I love it with all its imperfection.

This is one of the best things that has happened to me so far this year - finding Kaleidoscope. I'm starting to take risks there. I'm extending the hand of friendship and accepting offers of friendship. I'm being challenged...in a good way. I am starting to have seeds of ideas growing...seeing where this art can lead, wanting to be involved in Kaleidoscope's social justice programs - things that have nothing to do with "religion" and everything to do with community involvement. There's talk about taking an abridged version of Art & Soul to the girls working the streets in one of our local suburbs...and I find my heart wanting to jump at the opportunity and get involved. For some reason I find myself wanting to work with them...to find out more about them...to see where their hearts are and what led them into the life they have...

Maybe that's a part of my healing too......I can't explain my reasoning really......it doesn't make sense on one hand, but perfect sense on the other....


Art & Soul excites me like nothing else has for a long time. I don't want it to end...and because of that I want to offer to come to the next program and help out in any way possible...mixing paints, helping facilitate the groups afterwards, get involved in Art for Justice. It makes me want to give back to something that has given so much to me.


Friendships are forming. Kel comes and picks me up every Thursday night for A&S and we spend the next 30 mins talking on our way to Pakenham. We are both going solo to a Dinner & Dance fundraiser for Operation Hope on September 8, so Kel has offered to pick me up and we'll both spend the evening busting a move on the dance floor. My new friend Kerrie picked me up for the group painting thing and we too spend the trip talking and finding more out about each other. It's been great. I'm starting to feel less isolated...but then again I am taking more risks and LETTING people in, as opposed to me hiding away in my cave and not wanting to be a bother to anyone.


Because people want to help. It's not a bother. I'm not a bother....and I'm slowly learning that. It's ok to say, "I'd love to come but I need a lift," or "I don't know what to do about getting a car so can you please give me some advice." The guy who comes around to do my lawns every few weeks no longer wants to be paid. He knows I'm on my own, he knows finances are strained, so he just comes past, checks the lawn and if it needs mowing he does it and just leaves. He stopped me in the street one day and told me that it's ok and not to worry about it.


I am surrounded by more lovely people than not......and when nasty incidents like last week happen I need to remind myself of that. Sometimes the quiet beauty of the majority of people gets lost amongst the noise and cacophony of the not so nice few.