MuchAfraid Transforming

One of my favorite books is called "Hinds Feet On High Places" written by Hannah Hurnard in 1955. It's a work of fiction depicting the spiritual journey of a girl called Much Afraid and her two companions Sorrow and Suffering as they transform to become Grace & Glory, Joy and Peace. I read it several times as a young adult and drew a lot of comfort from it, despite it's quaint language and older style of writing. It reminds me of my Nanna. I don't know why. It just does.

Good things are happening. I feel peace within for the first time in the longest time. I'm just going with it, you know. I'm not scared of if and when that little bubble there in the corner will burst. Maybe one day it will, but I feel I'm getting stronger every day to be able to cope with it. I am realising every day that I am beginning to reach out and become part of a community that is warm and welcoming and encouraging, and as I do that I am becoming more confident and daring to believe that I am liked, maybe even loved, respected and valued. I posted my August goals in my Notes section on Facebook and last night one of my new friends at Art & Soul approached me and said, "Leisa, I want to help you fulfil one of your goals. I'd love to catch up with you for coffee. I can't for the next fortnight, but after that, I'd love to catch up." 

So cool.

Painting last night was a joy. All of a sudden, the terror of getting it just right vanished and I simply painted for the sheer pleasure of it, pouring love into what I was doing. My painting represents the one relationship I feel I have succeeded at - the one with my kids - so I just let myself go with it and relaxed. As I did so I saw that painting transform into something I was truly proud of. I learned so much about shading and contour with that painting, but more importantly I learned some things about myself. This is what Art & Soul is about. It's amazing. Two weeks in and I already don't want it to end. I'm pouring everything I've got into Art & Soul. I'm a firm believer in the notion that you only get out of something what you put into it. I want to learn how to paint at Art & Soul, but I also want to learn more about me and from that move into a better future, rather than be stuck in the place I've been for so long. I feel it happening. I'm daring to believe.