When the circus comes to town

As you're probably aware, I was the only person of short stature in my family. My mother, father, 2 brothers and 4 sisters were all average height. You might think that this made me stick out like a sore thumb, but honestly it really didn't feel like it to me. Sure, there would be the double-take and people noticing me and looking, but nothing I couldn't handle. People moved on and I didn't feel singled out, nor did I feel as though I attracted an abnormal amount of attention.

It's not like that now that I am part of a family where all six members are short statured...and I'm really only just admitting to myself (and now to the blogosphere) just how difficult I have found it. When we go anywhere together in public we automatically attract a lot of attention and it feels like the circus has come to town.

For some reason I didn't find it was as bad when the children were all young...or maybe I was just so busy looking after my little brood that I just didn't notice as much. Now it's quite intense and I find I have to steel myself against it before getting out of the car and going about our business.

I've realized I am a very private person who doesn't like calling attention to herself. Sure I like public speaking and performing, but these things are within a context and controllable. People are there for the specific purpose to hear what I have to say or see a particular, planned performance, but when we're all out and about then that's private. It's not for watching, or staring, or digging your friend in the ribs so they'll have a gawk too.

I know there's nothing I can do about human behaviour. I know all there is to do is just continue going about our daily business and develop some kind of mental and emotional barrier that gives us the illusion of privacy. I can do this when I'm on my own. It's easy. My brother taught me how. You simply get out of your car and be intent in your purpose. You don't look for the people looking, you don't look people in the eye as you stride purposefully through the mall or the street (unless of course you wish to connect directly with someone like a shopkeeper or service provider). I've tried it and it works well for me. I've had to practice it though because I am and always have been, a person who likes to feel connected with the people around me. However, for this purpose, this method had given me the illusion of anonymity and camouflage.


If I can't see you, you can't see me!

 But to do it when we're out en masse and attracting a lot of attention is a bigger challenge. My kids catch me looking for the lookers and encourage me to just ignore it. Maybe they find it easier because this is all they have known, whereas I've known something different and I still have not yet adjusted to living under the public microscope.