Here, now

Truth be told I miss OpenDiary something fierce. I miss the friends I met there. Actual friends who became real life friends. It's only my stubbornness stopping me from going back, not wanting to be seen as a hypocrite to my own words by someone who really shouldn't matter.

I hate it that he still does.

So, big things did not happen last Friday. Last Friday was supposed to be G's surgery day. Poor kid started fasting from 9pm the night before, had her last drink of water at 6am on the day of surgery as instructed. We arrived at the hospital at 7:15am as instructed and then we waited....

......and waited......

............and waited......

And then we waited some more.

At noon we were called in to talk to the anesthetist who gave the ok for G to have a drink of apple juice as she wasn't to be done for several hours yet. He ordered her pre-med for 2:30pm as she was scheduled for 3pm. We were allowed to wander downstairs to get a bite to eat (her dad and I). When we were down there we bumped into her surgeon who apologized profusely saying there had been emergencies, problems with the hydraulics on the operating table and various other logistical issues. He also indicated that if the delays continued he would be really reluctant to begin the surgery so late, given the enormity of the procedure and the fact that we were looking at her being in there for anything up to six to eight hours. This would mean that they'd be working well into the night.

After a quick bite we went upstairs to resume our waiting. At about 3pm we were finally called in, G was gowned up and the pre-med was administered...a rich cocktail of powerful drugs that knocked her completely for six and made everything funny. She was very relaxed and unafraid.

It was then that the surgeon came in in his scrubs, talking on his mobile. He finished the call and said that he'd been talking to the Chief of Surgery (who, incidentally, has operated on G before and has to be about the nicest man you could meet!) and they both decided that due to the lateness of the hour and the length of the surgery, it would be best for it to be cancelled and rescheduled.

I took it well so they said. What would have been the point of ranting and raving? It happens. I had no control over it so the next best thing was to control myself and accept that this was the situation. I cant deny I was devastated. I was. We'd been emotionally psyching ourselves up for this day for such a long time and to not have it happen was a real blow. We had all this energy that we didn't know what to do with. It was awful.

To make matters worse we had to tell G, who was drifting in and out of consciousness at this stage. We'd tell her and it would register and she'd get angry and cry and then drift into oblivion again and forget...then she'd wake and ask if she'd had the surgery so we'd have to break the news to her again and she'd cry and get upset...again....and so it went on like this for an hour or so. It was like talking to an Alzheimer's patient...and trust me, I've experienced that with my Grandmother.

So, there you have it. We're in limbo. No date, back at home. Not quite knowing what to do next. Do I send her off for her first day of school on Thursday? (she's going into Year 10) Do I go back to work? Where exactly are we?

One thing we do know is that we're ready. G is so ready. She is no longer afraid. She knows that she will be fine. She just wants relief from the anticipation.