Two steps away

Despite the fact that March is filled with birthdays for our family and should be a month of fun, I found March to be a struggle this year.

To be honest, I have struggled with my own mental health. I have been anxious, overwhelmed and in a deeper hole than I care to admit, even needing time out just to get my head together.

I guess there are many reasons that contributed to this. Since December it has been one change after another and I don't do change well. I like predictability and familiarity. Yes I like adventure, but I like adventure that I've planned for. Above all, I love home best. I guess, since December, I've struggled to know where that is. Everything seems unfamiliar and I don't quite know where my place is in the world.

Over the past few weeks as I have been out and about I've encountered people in the streets, on the tram and on the train who seem...broken. I find myself wondering what their stories are. Who were they before I encountered them? What started their slow erosion and what were the events that continued that erosion of mind and body? I see them talking to people who seem very real to them but I am not able to see and I hear them talking in ways that, to me, make no sense whatsoever.

I find my heart move with compassion towards these broken lives because sometimes I feel as though I am only two steps away from where they are.  What tips the balance between sanity and madness? Sometimes I feel as though it will only take one more thing before I tumble those two steps down into being someone completely different to the person I started out being.