A love letter

Dear Running,

I am so glad you and I found each other.

I needed you so much today. We didn't have such a great time on those hot afternoons, did we? I think you and I are meant to be together in the coolness of the morning when the air is cold and clear; not the afternoon of a sultry day where the air feels heavy in my lungs. This morning was perfect.

The road expects nothing of me. It is there before me and never ends. Even when there is no path to follow the way is before me. The road just accepts my pounding feet, not asking how I am, how far I intend to go, how long I will take - for sometimes I don't know. I just run and the road accepts that.

You are best when there is so much going on in my heart and head. I know I have to be out there on the road to give my body an outlet for all the feelings that have no words....or too many words that I simply can't express. I run and everything that I can't understand or emotions that feel too big kind of become more manageable. They don't change or go away at all, but the rhythm of my pounding feet becomes a mantra, "You'll be alright. You are ok. Everything will work out," over and over again until my heart stops pounding and all anxious thoughts melt away.

Pain becomes my friend. You've helped me see pain in a different light, for the pain of you is not the pain of something being terribly wrong. It is the pain of things changing, of muscles strengthening, of form improving. I took particular note of my quads this morning. I could feel them burning the further I went, but the further I went the harder I would push and my quads responded. I was fascinated.

Running, you have made me a student of my own body. I have learned so much. I have learned persistence. I have learned about dedication and commitment.  I have learned that I'm stronger than I think. I have learned that even when I think there's nothing more left in me to give I just need to dig deeper and find that which is in reserve. There's always a little more.

I've learned that I can't expect myself to be everything to everyone. It's okay to have something just for myself that I don't have to justify or explain. I've never had that before. All my life I've lived with what I've been taught - not to be selfish, to share, to think of others, to leave myself until last. You have taught me that I am important too; that I need to take this time to just be alone and to guard this time we have together almost jealously. 

Thank you for everything, but especially bringing me back from the brink. I tell people that I started running because I was in a really dark place. You helped me run out of that dark place. Sometimes it still gets a little dark, but I know that sunshine waits for me just down the road and around the corner. 

Till next time!

Me xox