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There are times where I really, really, really don't like ageing.
Most of the time I can fool myself into thinking I'm still 25. Honestly, I feel it. Fresh, vital, alive.
But the mirror doesn't lie and seeing myself on camera is even worse.
I'm now understanding celebrities going under the knife or getting Botox and collagen and whatever else they do. The sense of panic that's set in over the past day or so is just horrendous - almost more than I can bear to be honest.
As Dolly Parton says in Steel Magnolias; "Time marches on and eventually you realise it's marching across your face!"
I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment. I'm tired of working a job just for the money. I'm told to do something I'm passionate about but I don't know what that is. I long to be free, unfettered, not reliant upon money so I can pay bills to simply exist. I want to get out of here and explore and learn and create and be a part of a community of free spirits. This 9 - 5 Monday to Friday existence of looking forward to two free days is just nuts. I'm getting older and I don't want to live out the rest of my life doing the same old same old and being bored as shit. I want to live.
And life seems to beckon from the road.
Leisa the aging thing is quite confronting for many but I think it really is a fear of mortality. Once we let go of that, we are able to embrace our changes and love ourselves through it. The wanting freedom, to be with free spirits etc - I have been going through this - searching for my 'tribe' - it has taken some time of being on the road (we rented our house out and sold everything we own) for me to realise that my 'tribe' are where I am open to seeing them. Until we can find joy in where we are we will never find real joy in where we think we want to be. Perhaps you need to go on a road trip for a few weeks and see what you think of it all? I know for us we won't be on the road permanently. We will enjoy it for a while longer but then we will want to settle somewhere and do other things that encourage 'community' right where we are. I will be following your journey with a keen interest. Would love to meet up with you when we are travelling in your parts!
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