The constant need to prove...

I had a job interview yesterday. Actually, it was my second interview for this job. I don't know how I did. I'm REALLY kicking myself that I didn't study the Early Years Learning Framework before I went so I  would have been more prepared. I don't know if I won't get the job because I know very little about it. Gee I hope it's not the thing that kills it for me..

This interview has really got me thinking though about how tired I am of the constant battle to prove myself. I know everyone does it in some form or another. We all have to go to interviews and practically sell ourselves, proving to the potential employer that you above all the other applicants are the one they want. But what about if you feel as though you have to prove yourself every day because you are "different". Going into this interview simply highlighted that for me. I have to prove that despite the fact that I am 117cm tall I am still more than capable of looking after babies and toddlers who, in a few short years, will be taller than me and are already half my height if not as tall as me. I have to explain to the employer how I will change the nappy of an 18 month old when putting them on the change table will be "dangerous" to them and me. I have to help the employer work out a way for me to access door handles that are "kid proof" and therefore unreachable. I have to convince them that I can do it...all of it....even what they at first glance think is impossible. And then after that, if I am employed there, I have to daily prove to the parents of the children that their little ones are safe with me, that they're not going to run roughshod over me and be uncontrollable. That I know my stuff, that I can handle their children's tantrums and accidents and that I'm able to comfort them if they are scared and sad.

But I also have to prove that I'm capable in everyday life too - holding down a job, looking after my house, changing the oil and water in my car and filling it with petrol/gas, carrying heavy items, doing my shopping.

Maybe I don't have to prove it? Maybe this is just something I have created in my own mind? Maybe people are just watching, fascinated to see exactly how I do things, rather than wondering IF I can?

Still, I had a heavy sense of having to prove myself in yesterdays interview, even though it was with people who have known me for the better part of 15 years. Maybe that's just the nature of interviews...but at the same time, a couple of those people have also witnessed how I have handled (and sometimes not handled)extremely stressful and trying circumstances over those years.

Gee I hope I get this job. I want it more than you could possibly imagine.