Burning the candles

Figuratively burning the candle at both ends lately. 

My eldest daughter will be pleased by my use of the word figuratively as opposed to the word literally. Our family has many a conversation about society's overuse of the word literally. 

After the excitement of the past week, changes occurring in each of our lives and four weeks worth of intensive training I seem to have reached a point where I'm dragging my feet. It's no secret I'm exhausted. I have no stores of energy now to complete all of the daily tasks that are now piling up.

I can't remember the last time I got into a made bed. The amount of dust and animal hair about the house could almost make up one small human and one extra animal. Everyone's tired of quickly slapped together meals, toasties or take-away. The search for underwear in the rapidly growing washed-dried-but-not-folded laundry pile is getting annoying, and we could possibly start growing potatoes or some other root vegetable on our dirty floors soon.

It's not pretty. 

I'm trying not to make it matter but it does. By the time I get home at night from my work in the city I'm too tired and grumpy to do anything except eat something and veg out in front of Masterchef, dreaming that someone, anyone would come into my house, wave their magic wand and everything would be clean, uncluttered, put away and I could sit down and eat one of those incredible looking dishes they submit to the Masterchef judges. I'm so jealous. I want Gary, George and Matt's jobs! How cool would that be?

As I interviewed Peter Dinklage and Hugh Jackman on Friday I thought, "I love doing this! I wish I could be paid to do more of this! What do we have to do to make this happen?" Wouldn't it be wonderful working a job where most of the time spent doing it are hours you're enjoying yourself? My niece who loves drawing, cartooning and creating characters, went to the Dreamworks exhibition at ACMI recently and was so inspired by the Dreamworks artists who get to spend their working days dreaming and creating and doing what they love. Not only do they get to do what they love, but they are paid for it. They earn a living from it. I hope my niece is inspired enough to pursue her passion. I hope she gets to live her dream.

What is my dream? What are the things that I'm passionate about and will drive me towards creating a career doing something I love? Sometimes I feel the answer is close but it is elusive. I feel it in the thrill of having a microphone in my hand and a camera beside me. I feel it as I explore my creative side during a movement workshop where I get to explore dance and movement and emotion. I feel it when I write and the words flow onto the page, no longer trapped inside my soul. I feel it when I run in the morning, when it's just me, the road and the air.

There has to be more to life than just survival; living week to week, payday to payday.

I'll find it someday.