Whole

I'm realising that I am having quite intense inner reactions to some things...and they tend to pop out verbally from time to time. I think some of this may have to do with still living in limbo - waiting for The Man to move out so that I can just get on with things. He's looking for a place, but so far nothing has suited....
Anyway, I am kind of tired of dealing with people greeting me with, "Hi Leisa! How are you? And how's J?"

Now I know this is a normal greeting, but it's getting on my last nerve.
Today it really got to me. I went to church with CHW this morning. *sigh* Possibly not a clever thing to do in my current state of mind, but I'm still struggling with letting go of the mindset that I should turn up. I noticed a couple from the past were there again. I hadn't seen them for a very long time but I do remember that their marriage had been in the toilet because of the husband cheating on the wife.

What's with that guys? Why can't you all just keep it in your pants? Why marry someone if you're not willing to commit to her totally?

I'm off track....

Anyway, this couple walked out behind CHW and I as we were heading back to the car. As I was helping CHW in the back the man stopped and said hi and that it had been a long time. I said hello and agreed.

He then said, "And how's your better half?"

Something in my brain just clicked. I looked him in the eye and said, "He's not my better half."
He is not my better half.

He was never the other half of me.

I have always been, and will always be, whole on my own.

This is not my reality as yet. This is not something I have embraced and run with and held as my own, but I know and accept that it is the truth and one day I plan on knowing this truth in full and living it.

I want to get to the place where I am so completely content and happy being just me. I just want to be happy, surrounded by family and friends who love me and I them, contributing to the community in some way, exploring my own faith and spirituality.

I want to live my wholeness.