My Sliding Doors

Source

*Spoiler alert - If you've never watched Sliding Doors and don't want spoilers, go away and watch it and then come back. I can wait....*

I teased you all yesterday and said I was going to talk about my own Sliding Doors moments. You didn't think I would...didn't you? Ha! Well here I am.

I have to admit to being fascinated by the concept behind the movie Sliding Doors. I've often, throughout my life, found myself wondering "What would have happened if....?"  and in this movie you get a glimse of it. I was totally engrossed - kind of even forgetting I was watching two alternative realities and only one of them was actually real. (well, that's what I thought anyway) It was when one Helen died and the other didn't that I realised that the one that died was only a possibility rather than a reality and I breathed a sigh of relief. 

Anyway....I digress. I realised that there are Sliding Doors moments throughout our lives. I guess every day has alternate possibilities and pathways, don't they? There are even Sliding Doors moments throughout childhood really, although I suppose other people - our parents in particular - are responsible for those. I often find myself wondering what my life would have been like if we had've stayed down in Gippsland, or what would have happened if my Dad did actually join the RAAF rather than take the job that led us to move where I remain to this day? In fact, what would have happened if my Dad had've been deployed to Vietnam after I was born? Wow! So many moments I could sit and ponder. That last one I'd rather not ponder to be honest...

I've recently contributed to a book that's about to be published (it's at the printers as we speak! Eek!) called Letters to Myself. It's a compilation of letters that each author has written to either their younger self or future self. Naturally, anyone over the age of 20 has written to their younger self and the two younger authors have written to their future selves.  During the writing process I found myself looking back to when I was thirteen years old and realised what a pivotal time that was for me. I even wrote in my letter that I realised that it was a time that really shaped the rest of my life. 

The impact of that floored me to be honest.

It was at the age of thirteen that I was given a choice. My parents had heard about a camp for short statured teenagers that was being held not too far away. They really wanted me to go, but did leave the final decision to me. They thought it would be good for me to meet other teenagers who were also short statured and perhaps find some understanding and support. Most of me didn't want to go. I used to get dreadfully homesick and the thought of being away from home for a week with a bunch of people I didn't know was terrifying. At the same time there was a curiosity and a sense of possibility. Curiosity won out in the end and I decided I would attend, on the proviso that if I hated it and wanted to come home my Dad would come up and get me. 

I went. 

Had the time of my life. 

And met my future husband. 

The impact of that really hit me as I was writing for Letters to Myself. What would have happened if I decided not to go? Would he and I still have met? In the movie Sliding Doors it was interesting to note that the two different alternatives for Helen's life eventually had a similar outcome - that Helen finds out that Gerry is cheating on her and she meets James. Is life like that? Regardless of which choice we make does life eventually find a way and lead us to the place we are always supposed to be?

Pondering this kind of stuff does my head in sometimes. 

Would he and I still have met and still had the four amazing children we have now? Would life throw other opportunities in front of both of us so that our paths would eventually cross? I'd like to think so. 

I think deciding to go to the camp was my first, and possibly biggest, Sliding Doors moment. I'm so glad I picked Door A. 

There are other times where I wonder what would have happened if I had've picked the door on the left rather than the door on the right, kept on walking instead of waiting, waited for the appointment rather than consulting Dr Google.  All of those choices come with alternate endings that I have pondered and wondered about. 

Then I look about me and see the life that is RIGHT NOW. It is good. I am so grateful that I chose the doors I did, picked Box A rather than Box B, played on rather than taken the cash. Each decision I made has shaped me into the me of today....and you know what? Leisa Version 1- 2014 is a pretty OK chick. I don't know the other alternative me.....and in fact, I'm glad she doesn't exist.