Taking the bull by the horns

Yesterday was a bit of a "Jonah Day". I don't know where I first heard that expression - I think maybe I read it in one of the "Little House" books....no, I'm wrong. It was one of the Anne of Green Gables books. I know this because I Googled the expression. In this case, a Jonah Day means a day of feeling stupid, a pain in the butt and generally sick and tired of myself.

It came to 4pm and I gladly exited the office and went home. I sat on the train and thought. I got home and my gorgeous kids had started dinner. In fact it was almost cooked when I walked through the door. I entered the kitchen and there was a teacup with a teabag already placed in it, ready for me to make a cuppa. I opened my bedroom door and my PJ's were laid out on the bed waiting for me.

My children are so thoughtful.

After dinner I decided not to do anything. I sat on the couch and promptly fell asleep. No one minded.

With the morning came a new resolve. I'm tired of myself. For as long as I have been writing online I have struggled with the same mess. I am tired of it. So today I am taking the bull by the horns and doing something about it.

I am taking inspiration from my most favorite couple on the interwebs and becoming transparent - in my relationships, in my workplace, in my writings. I'm doing this just because I'm tired of hiding. Hiding and secrets are a remnant of my past relationship.

No more. This is me.

I have also booked a session with a counsellor. I can't afford the psychologist I've been seeing off and on for the past 13 years, but I have found someone attached to a local church who counsels at a very reasonable rate. I am going to throw myself into it head first with the aim of becoming well once and for all. I want to unlock the secret as to how to let it all go and move forward. I'm not going to look to this counselor as the one who will show me the light and lead the way. I'm going to find it for myself as they facilitate the journey.

Sometimes it takes a Jonah Day to move you on.