It's funny that after 25 years we are still negotiating our own Christmas traditions. Actually, sometimes it's not funny. Sometimes it can still be a minefield. I don't know why that is. Maybe it's because our memories of Christmas in our childhoods are filled with so many significant events, memories that are still precious and important and we are both sometimes unwilling to let them go. We want to recreate what was so precious to the both of us and neither of the recreations can exist in its own fullness without the deaths of some parts of the other's recreation.
I get nervous. I think maybe I am the one more willing to let mine go...locking my memories away in the box of yesteryear. They will always remain valid and real and precious, so I am content having them at rest in the memory box. Instead, I am concentrating more on the things that make it significant and memorable for my kids and participate in their creations with gusto. It seems we have two set-in-stone traditions now. The first is decorating the Tree. We put on a specific Bing Crosby CD and start decorating - I assemble the tree and put on the lights and tinsel and then everyone hangs the baubles together. We sing, we laugh, we all exclaim how quickly the year has flown, we tell jokes and reminisce about some of the decorations from over the years.
That is Tradition #1.
The other is the annual drive-around-the-streets-looking-at-the-Christmas-Lights. We did it last night in the pouring rain. We've had a lot of rain all throughout December so the house lights are a little scarce this year. Still, it was nice. We all get an attack of the sillies when driving around. I don't know why this is. Maybe the excitement that Christmas is coming. One of the kids said last night that it really feels like Christmas when we do the drive around the streets.
That is Tradition #2.
Still, there is the tension that exists between the two of us where Christmas has to be "just so". I am learning how to negotiate this time. My strategy is to just let my agendas go and concentrate on what's important to this family. I don't want my kids remembering a mother who was hell-bent on getting her own way that she forgot what was important to them. I don't know how to do "his" Christmas and I find myself feeling awfully inadequate sometimes because I simply can't provide an ample bounty of decorations, food, people coming in and out delivering well wishes and blessings. There has been times where he has been frustrated because there are things we haven't got that "every other normal family has."
Sometimes you have to just let your own memories go and work at creating new ones with the people you are with today. If you don't, you may just miss out one some of the richness that is already around you and rob others of the right to create their own traditions.
Maybe you could create your own traditions? Mixture of yours and his? Or maybe you could come up with completely new ones. You both can still have your memories of your childhood Christmas and create new traditions for your own family.
ReplyDeleteThe nice thing about traditions is they can grow and evolve over the years! There's no need to set traditions in stone. I know that I have a few traditions that I enjoy yearly but there are others that show up every so often, and I cherish them when they do. You should encourage him to help create his favorite traditions so he wont feel like you're missing out on what "every other normal family has." Even with the lists and agendas, one person can't make Christmas!
ReplyDeleteYour last paragraph is so right - it's tough to move on from all that history but sometimes you have to make your own.
ReplyDeleteA very merry Christmas to you and yours.