Recordings

It's been a bit difficult over the past week with the OTHER SITE being offline. It's been frustrating to say the least and I guess the hundreds of thousands of other diarists have found it just as frustrating as I have. Still, I can only assume that the Diary Master is doing his or her level best to get everything up and running for us again so I think I need to cut him some slack and let him/her just get on with it.

I've really been wanting to write some kind of record for myself in regards to my husbands struggles with mental illness - just so that I can look back and maybe discover patterns, triggers, what helps, what doesn't help, outward symptoms he displays, behaviour, apparent moods, reactions.

I know this may sound very clinical...and maybe even a little...critical but my aim is to understand him a little more. I want to know how I can help. I want to even record my own reactions to him at the times he is really struggling so I can see where perhaps I stuff it up and get it wrong. I know it will be very much a trial and error thing as dealing with mental illness is like standing on shifting sand. What helps one day may hinder on the next day....but the aim is to be a more understanding partner to him and to perhaps help him navigate his stormy times.

So, this entry will be the first.

Currently he is struggling. He hasn't had any consistent work in two weeks. He had work on a new campaign on Monday night but was sent home after a few hours as he wasn't reaching the target quota....along with several other people - some of whom were sent home after only an hour. Since then they haven't called him in again.

He shows boredom being at home but doesn't seem motivated to do things like laundry or cleaning.

His mood with the kids and I is quite good. Very loving last night and gave be a massage and lots of spontaneous hugs. Joked around a bit which was lovely.

So maybe he's not struggling too badly. My reactions to him have been positive. This morning I casually got laundry out of the washing machine and said that if he was looking for something to do he could hang it out to dry. I have let the fact that our bed wasn't made slip by without comment. I think this is the way to go at the moment. I must remember not to let it fester if it does annoy me though. Maybe just a gentle request now and again.

I love the guy. I really do.